It is nearly 2010. In this podcast I discuss my future hopes and explain why every new year is great in recovery.
You can now download the 'addiction and recovery podcast' on iTunes.
Happy New Year
Monday 28 December 2009
Wednesday 23 December 2009
Healthy Smile; The Benefits of Smiling and How it Can Make You Live Longer and Better
Studies have shown that there are definite mental and physical benefits of smiling. It is claimed that not only will a healthy smile make life easier to deal with, but it could even mean that you live longer. I must admit that this all sounds really impressive. On the other hand, if I were to walk around with a big smile on my face all the time people might think I was a bit mad; I also come from a culture where doing too much of this type of thing is viewed as just begging the gods to smite you. So before I risk upsetting the puppet masters and ruining my reputation it would be nice to learn a bit more about the benefits of smiling.
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Sunday 20 December 2009
Addiction and Recovery Podcast 9 - The drunk at Christmas
In this episode I will talk a bit about why life can be so hard for a drunk at Christmas
Have a happy and sober Christmas
Paul
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
Have a happy and sober Christmas
Paul
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
Thursday 17 December 2009
Recovery Health; The Mental Health Benefit of Sober Fitness
Why is recovery health important?
I have learnt that feeling physically out of shape is not a good way to be in recovery. Health is something that has become increasing important to me since getting sober. Fitness can be taken to extremes like anything else, but I have discovered just how much mental health is connected to aerobic fitness. If my body does not feel good then my thoughts tend to be sluggish and my mood low. I can get into a vicious cycle where the less I do the less I want to do. This can lead to my recovery beginning to feel unsatisfying and then we are on dangerous ground
Read More
I have learnt that feeling physically out of shape is not a good way to be in recovery. Health is something that has become increasing important to me since getting sober. Fitness can be taken to extremes like anything else, but I have discovered just how much mental health is connected to aerobic fitness. If my body does not feel good then my thoughts tend to be sluggish and my mood low. I can get into a vicious cycle where the less I do the less I want to do. This can lead to my recovery beginning to feel unsatisfying and then we are on dangerous ground
Read More
Sunday 13 December 2009
Addiction and Recovery podcast 8 - letting go
In this episode I discuss a little about the importance of letting go in recovery. It really is my belief that much of our misery in life is optional.
Friday 11 December 2009
Why Do Drunks like to Ruin Christmas for Everyone?
Christmas is a time when families come together. It is a time for great joy; especially if there are children in the house. One thing that can completely destroy this occasion is having a drunk in the family. You would think that these people would be able to control themselves for just this one day; the reality is that drunks tend to display their worst behavior at this time of year. I know because that drunk was once me.
Read more
Read more
Sunday 6 December 2009
Addiction and Recovery Podcast 7 – the risk of memories
In this episode I discuss the dangers of memories to the addict; it is easy for this to lead to ‘romancing the drink’. Memories are tricky and can be really misleading.
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes
Friday 4 December 2009
How to Deal with a Drunk in Your Life
This is something that I have wanted to talk about for a while, but I've always found it hard to figure out what it is I want to say. I've never really had to deal with a drunk in my life; it was always me who was the drunk. This is what makes it so difficult for me; it's so personal. This is a question that I get asked a lot; how to deal with a drunk. I try to think about what would have been the best thing to help me during the midst of my addiction, and there is no easy answer to this.
read more
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Sunday 29 November 2009
Addiction and Recovery - podcast 6 - Addiction and Art
In this podcast I will discuss a bit about the importance of art for addicts. I will also discuss a little my own views on new drug treatments for addiction.
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes.
Press play below to listen
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes.
Press play below to listen
Thursday 26 November 2009
Is Topiramate the Wonder Cure for Addiction? I Do Not Think So
There is a lot of excitement over the last few years over a drug called Topiramate and the hope that this wonder drug will cure addiction for once and for all. Many researchers, as well as others working in the addiction field, seem really excited about Topiramate as a cure for addiction. To be honest I'm a bit skeptical about the whole thing. I think that finding drugs to treat addiction is sort of missing the point; at least it would have been for my situation.
read more
read more
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Art Can Save Drunks and Addicts
I always feel a bit hesitant when it comes to claiming that addicts are somehow fundamentally different from the people around them, but it does seem to be that way. Maybe it is just that certain personalities are more drawn to addiction. One thing that I've noticed about us addicts is that we seem to be extremely sensitive people.
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Sunday 22 November 2009
Addiction and recovery podcast 5; is recovery dull?
Is recovery dull?
In this week’s episode I discuss more about life in recovery. I remember once fearing that the sober life would be dull, but this is far from the case. This week I will also discuss a bit about dual diagnosis. Please leave a comment if have any suggestions for the podcast or just want to say hello.
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes.
Just press the play button below and you are good to go.
In this week’s episode I discuss more about life in recovery. I remember once fearing that the sober life would be dull, but this is far from the case. This week I will also discuss a bit about dual diagnosis. Please leave a comment if have any suggestions for the podcast or just want to say hello.
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes.
Just press the play button below and you are good to go.
Benefits of Learned Optimism and How it Can Make You Live Longer
Learned optimism is not only likely to make you a lot happier but research is showing that people who are optimistic are healthier and can live up to seven years longer than the pessimistic. For some of us being optimistic doesn't seem to come naturally, but the good news is that it seems possible to teach ourselves to more positive about the future. This is something that I have been trying for a few years, and I'm pleased to say there have been some great benefits in my life.
Read more
Read more
Saturday 21 November 2009
Video about Thamkrabok
Here is a video about Wat Thamkrabok Thailand. This is the Buddhist treatment facility where I became sober. It was made by one of the western monks who stayed in the temple.
Is Sober Living Dull?
Those who are considering escaping addiction or are new to recovery might worry that sober living is a bit dull. They fear that the excitement and spontaneity found when they use alcohol or drug just won't be there for them in recovery.
Read more
Read more
Thursday 19 November 2009
Alcoholism and dual diagnosis
Alcoholism and dual diagnosis is something you may or may not have heard about previously. When we say that somebody has a dual diagnosis we are referring to the fact that as well as having an addiction problem that person also has another mental health problem to deal with.
Read more
Read more
Tuesday 17 November 2009
5 Dangers of alcohol abuse
In fact there are far more than 5 dangers of alcohol abuse; if somebody continues to abuse alcohol for a long time it can lead to destroying not only their life, mind, and body, but also the lives of those around them. For the sake of simplicity though, here are just 5 dangers of alcohol abuse.
Read more
Read more
Saturday 14 November 2009
How to listen to Podcasts
I know that a few people have become a bit muddled about how to listen to the podcasts. All you have to do is go to the post and click the play button at the bottom, or you can use the player on the right hand side of the screen.
If you want to subscibe you will also be able to get this podcast via iTunes.
If you want to subscibe you will also be able to get this podcast via iTunes.
Addiction and Recovery Podcast 4
In this weeks podcast I am going to talk about achieving your dreams in sobriety. The was a subject I discussed a few weeks back in an article I published on associated content;
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2298719/the_importance_of_living_your_dreams.html?cat=5
For me achieving your dreams is what recovery is all about.
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2298719/the_importance_of_living_your_dreams.html?cat=5
For me achieving your dreams is what recovery is all about.
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
Saturday 7 November 2009
Addiction and Recovery podcast 3
In this episode I will talk about recovery groups. Are they important and is it possible to recover from addiction without them? I have also written an article on the subject here;
http://bit.ly/VmoNx
You can check out more of my articles here;
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/569636/paul_garrigan.html
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
http://bit.ly/VmoNx
You can check out more of my articles here;
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/569636/paul_garrigan.html
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
Sunday 1 November 2009
Addiction and recovery podcast 2
In this episode we will look at how mindfulness helped me deal with my alcohol addiction, and why it is still important to me in recovery. I have also written an article about the topic here;
http://bit.ly/4aOyqw
I have written many more articles dealing with addiction and other subjects here;
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/569636/paul_garrigan.html
You can follow my blog here;
http://paulgarrigan.blogspot.com/
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
http://bit.ly/4aOyqw
I have written many more articles dealing with addiction and other subjects here;
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/569636/paul_garrigan.html
You can follow my blog here;
http://paulgarrigan.blogspot.com/
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
Tuesday 27 October 2009
Addiction and Recovery Podcast - Episode 1
I have decided to give podcasting a go. I am only testing the waters at the moment, but hopefully it will become a regular thing.
Saturday 24 October 2009
How to deal with stress in recovery
Stress can be a real problem for people in recovery. In fact it was often our inability to handle life that drove many of us to addiction and kept us there for years. It was not so much that our lives were always more stressful than other people’s lives (although sometimes they were) but more to do with the fact that we just didn’t have the tools or mental resources to deal with it.
Stress isn’t that bad really; in fact sometimes a little bit of stress can be good if it we need to do something like sitting an exam that requires a lot of effort. It is only when stress is too much for our capabilities that it really becomes a problem. For many of us who spent years in the midst of addiction our way of dealing with stress was to stay numb to it. When we enter recovery our feelings defrost and suddenly we feel raw and everything can quickly get on top of us. We no longer have our addiction to run to so we are trapped. If the stress becomes too much some people deal with it the only way they know and they relapse back to addiction.
When we enter addiction we must find new ways of dealing with stress. Here are some of the things that have worked for me;
- Go for a walk; it is amazing how a bit of air and a change of scenery can make us feel better.
- Listen to your favorite music; simple but surprisingly useful.
- Exercise; fantastic way of clearing the mind
- Meditate; the path to stress free living.
- Talk to a friend about your problems.
- Write about how you feel; this has saved me from madness so many times.
- Try and do something for somebody else; the best way of escaping our problems.
- Watch a good film or play a computer game.
- Buy a punch bag and use it.
The main thing is that you don’t drink or use again. If you really feel like relapsing just wait for another 24 hours and see what happens.
Stress isn’t that bad really; in fact sometimes a little bit of stress can be good if it we need to do something like sitting an exam that requires a lot of effort. It is only when stress is too much for our capabilities that it really becomes a problem. For many of us who spent years in the midst of addiction our way of dealing with stress was to stay numb to it. When we enter recovery our feelings defrost and suddenly we feel raw and everything can quickly get on top of us. We no longer have our addiction to run to so we are trapped. If the stress becomes too much some people deal with it the only way they know and they relapse back to addiction.
When we enter addiction we must find new ways of dealing with stress. Here are some of the things that have worked for me;
- Go for a walk; it is amazing how a bit of air and a change of scenery can make us feel better.
- Listen to your favorite music; simple but surprisingly useful.
- Exercise; fantastic way of clearing the mind
- Meditate; the path to stress free living.
- Talk to a friend about your problems.
- Write about how you feel; this has saved me from madness so many times.
- Try and do something for somebody else; the best way of escaping our problems.
- Watch a good film or play a computer game.
- Buy a punch bag and use it.
The main thing is that you don’t drink or use again. If you really feel like relapsing just wait for another 24 hours and see what happens.
Thursday 15 October 2009
You will often hear it said that any drunk will need to hit rock-bottom before they will be able to recover from their addiction. This type of comment makes me uncomfortable, and for a long time this was my excuse for continued drinking. I developed the idea that the only way that my escape from addiction would be by reaching this mythical place. Even during two years sober during my twenties I continuously worried that maybe I hadn’t yet reached my bottom and was doomed to drink again; I did drink again but it is not my belief that this continued suffering and deterioration in my life was needed. It is my view that rock bottom is where you want to stop, and there is no special place in the suffering addict’s fall into misery that will make recovery any more special or likely to last. If you have enough then you have reached your rock bottom.
The problem with waiting for things to get bad enough to force you to quit is that this type of thinking can easily kill you. I almost destroyed my own liver while waiting for inspiration to arise. My final day of drinking was no worse than many of the other days that came before it; the only difference that day was that I had enough. I have no belief in the possibility that a few more weeks drinking would have made my current recovery any more special or strong; it would only have extended the suffering and considering how bad my health was at the time it could have been fatal.
If addiction is making your life miserable then just quit now. You don’t need to wait for any special day or for anything particularly bad to happen. You don’t have to lose your family, end up on the streets, or kill someone when drink-driving. When you want to stop you have already reached your rock bottom.
The problem with waiting for things to get bad enough to force you to quit is that this type of thinking can easily kill you. I almost destroyed my own liver while waiting for inspiration to arise. My final day of drinking was no worse than many of the other days that came before it; the only difference that day was that I had enough. I have no belief in the possibility that a few more weeks drinking would have made my current recovery any more special or strong; it would only have extended the suffering and considering how bad my health was at the time it could have been fatal.
If addiction is making your life miserable then just quit now. You don’t need to wait for any special day or for anything particularly bad to happen. You don’t have to lose your family, end up on the streets, or kill someone when drink-driving. When you want to stop you have already reached your rock bottom.
Tuesday 6 October 2009
How to win against addiction
Addiction made my life miserable for years; my alcoholism nearly killed me. In some ways I’m grateful because I wouldn’t be who I am today without that experience, but the sad truth is that many people never escape addiction; many die from it. Here are some tips to help you escape addiction.
1. Don’t believe that you have to reach some rock bottom before you can begin to escape addiction. This may often be true, but believing this way could cause you to put off getting help until it is too late. The best time for you to quit addiction is now; your rock bottom could be death.
2. Don’t believe that relapse is a normal part of recovery. People do escape addiction without any need for continued relapse. It is too easy to use this belief as a means to justify continued addiction. Don’t beat yourself up for having a relapse, but don’t try and fool yourself into believing that what you are doing is normal. Relapse isn’t normal; it is deadly.
3. If the only thing to change in your life is that you are no longer drinking or using then you are not likely to win against your addiction. Freedom from addiction doesn’t mean returning to your old life with the only difference being that you no longer party as hard; freedom from addiction should mean the start of a great new life. You don’t have to change everything over night; in fact this could be counterproductive, but you need to be willing to take your life in a new direction.
4. Tell everyone that you are going to stop your addiction. They may not believe you if you have made too many broken promises in the past, but this is more for your benefit than theirs. It is not enough to help you win against addiction by itself, but telling other people about your plan is one more thing to keep you going.
5. Take a few moments to mark the beginning of your quit. Do whatever you can to make it feel significant. It doesn’t matter what this is; it could be a few moments of silent reflection or praying to your God or gods; it doesn’t matter just make this feel significant.
6. Treat your withdrawals the same as you would any other illness. It will pass after a few days. If there is any risk that you could go into the DTs then you should seek medical assistance.
7. A mindfulness technique can be a great way of dealing with your drinking thoughts during your withdrawals and beyond. Observe your thoughts as the pass through your mind without identifying with them. Observe your mind saying I need to drink or I need to use, but don’t identify with as being you.
8. Read plenty of inspirational material about recovery. Use anything and everything that will encourage you to keep going; anything from the AA big book to whatever you can find on the internet – so long as it is positive about recovery.
9. Join a support group. These can really make the difference to your recovery, but many people do have successful recoveries without time - I did. The important thing not to dismiss anything. You need to be prepared to do whatever it takes to get sober or clean; this may mean joining a support group. If you have never belonged to one of these groups then I would strongly advise to at least give them a try.
10. Join an online recovery support community; these are a great way to share and get helpful advice about recovery from addiction.
1. Don’t believe that you have to reach some rock bottom before you can begin to escape addiction. This may often be true, but believing this way could cause you to put off getting help until it is too late. The best time for you to quit addiction is now; your rock bottom could be death.
2. Don’t believe that relapse is a normal part of recovery. People do escape addiction without any need for continued relapse. It is too easy to use this belief as a means to justify continued addiction. Don’t beat yourself up for having a relapse, but don’t try and fool yourself into believing that what you are doing is normal. Relapse isn’t normal; it is deadly.
3. If the only thing to change in your life is that you are no longer drinking or using then you are not likely to win against your addiction. Freedom from addiction doesn’t mean returning to your old life with the only difference being that you no longer party as hard; freedom from addiction should mean the start of a great new life. You don’t have to change everything over night; in fact this could be counterproductive, but you need to be willing to take your life in a new direction.
4. Tell everyone that you are going to stop your addiction. They may not believe you if you have made too many broken promises in the past, but this is more for your benefit than theirs. It is not enough to help you win against addiction by itself, but telling other people about your plan is one more thing to keep you going.
5. Take a few moments to mark the beginning of your quit. Do whatever you can to make it feel significant. It doesn’t matter what this is; it could be a few moments of silent reflection or praying to your God or gods; it doesn’t matter just make this feel significant.
6. Treat your withdrawals the same as you would any other illness. It will pass after a few days. If there is any risk that you could go into the DTs then you should seek medical assistance.
7. A mindfulness technique can be a great way of dealing with your drinking thoughts during your withdrawals and beyond. Observe your thoughts as the pass through your mind without identifying with them. Observe your mind saying I need to drink or I need to use, but don’t identify with as being you.
8. Read plenty of inspirational material about recovery. Use anything and everything that will encourage you to keep going; anything from the AA big book to whatever you can find on the internet – so long as it is positive about recovery.
9. Join a support group. These can really make the difference to your recovery, but many people do have successful recoveries without time - I did. The important thing not to dismiss anything. You need to be prepared to do whatever it takes to get sober or clean; this may mean joining a support group. If you have never belonged to one of these groups then I would strongly advise to at least give them a try.
10. Join an online recovery support community; these are a great way to share and get helpful advice about recovery from addiction.
Monday 28 September 2009
How to strengthen your recovery from addiction
1. Help other drunks or addicts. This is a great way to strengthen your own recovery from addiction. This is an important part of the Alcoholics Anonymous programme, but you don’t need to belong to AA in order to benefit from this activity. The help you offer drunks or addicts might be of the direct variety where you volunteer for an organisation which works with them. Another way that you can help is over the internet by joining an online recovery group where you can offer support to people struggling with their addiction. Just telling people how good life in recovery can be is a great way to help other drunks or addicts. This type of work can really boost our own recovery and remind us of where you have come from.
2. Get healthy. Feeling physically healthy is important in recovery because if our body feels good then our mind will feel good as well. A healthy body is confident and full of energy, and you will be unlikely to return to addiction while your body and mind is feeling so good.
3. Get spiritual. This does not have to involve believing in any bizarre notions, hugging trees, or joining any cultish group. Getting spiritual means getting more in touch with yourself; this could be through an exercise like tai-chi or yoga, or it might involve a more formal meditation practice. Going for long walks and observing the nature around us is another way for us to get spiritual.
4. Learning a new skill or starting a new activity. Keeping things fresh is a great way to strengthen our recovery from addiction; it has also been shown that it helps us live longer. We should always be willing to try new things, and experience all that a sober life can offer.
5. Think about others. As drunks on addicts we have spent much of our lives self-absorbed and living selfishly. Thinking about others and helping them will benefit us greatly.
2. Get healthy. Feeling physically healthy is important in recovery because if our body feels good then our mind will feel good as well. A healthy body is confident and full of energy, and you will be unlikely to return to addiction while your body and mind is feeling so good.
3. Get spiritual. This does not have to involve believing in any bizarre notions, hugging trees, or joining any cultish group. Getting spiritual means getting more in touch with yourself; this could be through an exercise like tai-chi or yoga, or it might involve a more formal meditation practice. Going for long walks and observing the nature around us is another way for us to get spiritual.
4. Learning a new skill or starting a new activity. Keeping things fresh is a great way to strengthen our recovery from addiction; it has also been shown that it helps us live longer. We should always be willing to try new things, and experience all that a sober life can offer.
5. Think about others. As drunks on addicts we have spent much of our lives self-absorbed and living selfishly. Thinking about others and helping them will benefit us greatly.
Sunday 20 September 2009
A way to be
For people who quit an addiction it seems important to have a new direction in life; a new path. At least that has been my experience anyway. If I had returned to my old way of doing things and the only thing that changed was the fact that I was sober then my recovery would have been doomed; this had been the cause of failure for all of my previous attempts at recovery. I had assumed that my life would just change if I remained sober, but there needs to be a bit more than this.
I had known intellectually the importance of doing things differently when sober, but it wasn’t until it was further explained to me by Phra Hans at Wat Thamkrabok that this information really hit me. This monk told me that the reason for my addiction was the fact that I had no direction so my life had no meaning; it was no wonder that I had fallen into the trap of abusing alcohol. When life has no real meaning why not just turn to any opportunity for comfort that life could throw at me. It was the lack of any real alternative that meant that I stuck with this flawed tool for coping with life long after it had stopped working; why I stuck with it even though it was killing me and making my life unbearable.
I finished my treatment at Wat Thamkrabok now convinced about the importance of finding a path. I sort of misunderstood things even then. I expected any path coming my way to be a bit grand; a spiritual journey that was going to take me to these amazing realisations. I sort of expected life to become full of magical signs and occurrence; all very grandiose and self-important. I was expecting something really special. I didn’t realise that the path was to be found in the simple; I failed to understand that the important thing was to be on a path and that there was no real importance as to the final goal or speed that I would be travelling. If I am on a journey then there will be things to discover; if I dedicate myself to a direction in life then there will be meaning and rewards.
It is my conviction that the meaning of life is to find something that gives us pleasure and just dedicating ourselves to whatever this is. This could be something like Tai Chi or even stamp collecting, the important thing is that it is something that we can devote ourselves to with at least half the enthusiasm that we had for our previous addiction. Of course we should not allow it to interfere with our ability to fulfil our social and family obligations. This new activity doesn’t have to have any grand meaning either, and it doesn’t have to be complicated, so long as it is not a negative goal or something that involves hurting other people . There is a saying that all paths lead to the Buddha; I am not clever enough to know if this is true or if it is important. I do know that simply finding something we enjoy and devoting ourselves to it can teach us all that we need to know, and take us where we need to be. This path can steer us away from addiction, and leave us feeling that the pleasures we once found in drugs or booze are very shallow indeed.
I had known intellectually the importance of doing things differently when sober, but it wasn’t until it was further explained to me by Phra Hans at Wat Thamkrabok that this information really hit me. This monk told me that the reason for my addiction was the fact that I had no direction so my life had no meaning; it was no wonder that I had fallen into the trap of abusing alcohol. When life has no real meaning why not just turn to any opportunity for comfort that life could throw at me. It was the lack of any real alternative that meant that I stuck with this flawed tool for coping with life long after it had stopped working; why I stuck with it even though it was killing me and making my life unbearable.
I finished my treatment at Wat Thamkrabok now convinced about the importance of finding a path. I sort of misunderstood things even then. I expected any path coming my way to be a bit grand; a spiritual journey that was going to take me to these amazing realisations. I sort of expected life to become full of magical signs and occurrence; all very grandiose and self-important. I was expecting something really special. I didn’t realise that the path was to be found in the simple; I failed to understand that the important thing was to be on a path and that there was no real importance as to the final goal or speed that I would be travelling. If I am on a journey then there will be things to discover; if I dedicate myself to a direction in life then there will be meaning and rewards.
It is my conviction that the meaning of life is to find something that gives us pleasure and just dedicating ourselves to whatever this is. This could be something like Tai Chi or even stamp collecting, the important thing is that it is something that we can devote ourselves to with at least half the enthusiasm that we had for our previous addiction. Of course we should not allow it to interfere with our ability to fulfil our social and family obligations. This new activity doesn’t have to have any grand meaning either, and it doesn’t have to be complicated, so long as it is not a negative goal or something that involves hurting other people . There is a saying that all paths lead to the Buddha; I am not clever enough to know if this is true or if it is important. I do know that simply finding something we enjoy and devoting ourselves to it can teach us all that we need to know, and take us where we need to be. This path can steer us away from addiction, and leave us feeling that the pleasures we once found in drugs or booze are very shallow indeed.
Sunday 13 September 2009
Homeless drunks in Thailand
Westerners ending up homeless on the streets of Thailand probably sounds a bit absurd. After all, Thailand has a lot of poverty of its own so how could someone from the rich west end up begging on the streets of Bangkok or one of the other Thai cities. The sad thing is that it does happen and the usual cause is addiction.
There can be an extremely negative view of these homeless people among the ex-pat community in Thailand. There seems to be a rush to dehumanise these people and see them as completely at fault for their predicament. The logic is that people like this should not be allowed to enter the country in the first place. Thai people appear far more understanding, but have too many of their own worthy cases that require their attention.
I was never homeless in Thailand, but I did end up on the streets in my twenties. Alcohol completely destroyed my ability to function rationally or effectively. The only choice for me was the streets. Of course I am responsible for being a drunk, but there was no way in my wildest dreams that I ever thought that things would get that bad. I imagine that similar factors happen to those westerners ending up on the streets of Thailand; it has all just become too much.
I am sure that those who end up begging in Thailand did not arrive here in such a state. Alcoholics can sometimes achieve a lot of control over their lives and as far as they or anyone else is concerned they are fairly well-adjusted. Most western visitors to Thailand end up in one of the big-drinking areas where all inhibitions go out the window. Places like Pattaya in Thailand can be a drinker’s heaven, but it can easily turn into their hell. All the relatively cheap alcohol with the almost constant party atmosphere combined with the feeling of being away from any type of supervision or constrains can be a recipe for disaster. Any control that a functional alcoholic might demonstrate in his home country is difficult to maintain while in such an environment. It is no wonder that some people lose the plot.
I would never look down on any person who hit rock-bottom while in Thailand. I would do whatever I could to help them. They may have fallen quite low, but this does not mean that they are low people.
There can be an extremely negative view of these homeless people among the ex-pat community in Thailand. There seems to be a rush to dehumanise these people and see them as completely at fault for their predicament. The logic is that people like this should not be allowed to enter the country in the first place. Thai people appear far more understanding, but have too many of their own worthy cases that require their attention.
I was never homeless in Thailand, but I did end up on the streets in my twenties. Alcohol completely destroyed my ability to function rationally or effectively. The only choice for me was the streets. Of course I am responsible for being a drunk, but there was no way in my wildest dreams that I ever thought that things would get that bad. I imagine that similar factors happen to those westerners ending up on the streets of Thailand; it has all just become too much.
I am sure that those who end up begging in Thailand did not arrive here in such a state. Alcoholics can sometimes achieve a lot of control over their lives and as far as they or anyone else is concerned they are fairly well-adjusted. Most western visitors to Thailand end up in one of the big-drinking areas where all inhibitions go out the window. Places like Pattaya in Thailand can be a drinker’s heaven, but it can easily turn into their hell. All the relatively cheap alcohol with the almost constant party atmosphere combined with the feeling of being away from any type of supervision or constrains can be a recipe for disaster. Any control that a functional alcoholic might demonstrate in his home country is difficult to maintain while in such an environment. It is no wonder that some people lose the plot.
I would never look down on any person who hit rock-bottom while in Thailand. I would do whatever I could to help them. They may have fallen quite low, but this does not mean that they are low people.
Sunday 6 September 2009
Why do so many people dislike AA?
There seems to be quite a lot of anti-AA feeling within the recovery world these days. There appears to be many people who would go so far as to say they hate AA. It is bit sad really; why has things ended up this way? It reminds me of the old advertisements for ‘Marmite spread’; you either love it or you hate it.
I was previously a member of AA. I first started attending in my teens and once managed to go to a meeting every day for two years. There were times that I disliked the organisation, but it never reached the stage where I started to hate AA. I could see that it does work for some people; a lot of reformed drunks would likely be dead if it wasn’t for this twelve step programme.
I think though, that AA has been a victim of its own success. It is surely the most well-know treatment option and in some countries it seems to be the only alternative offered by the medical establishment. I remember the first treatment centre that I ended up in insisted that we attend the meetings during our stay. It was due to this that I had a bit of resentment towards the group in my younger years.
I think another reason why people hate AA is that some member of these groups are quite loud in their opinion that the meetings are the only solution for drunks. They seem to be against any type of further research into addiction and believe that AA should be the only option on the table. If you say that you are doing fine without the meetings they will either accuse you of being a ‘dry-drunk’ on the verge of drinking again or that you never were an alcoholic to begin with. This sort of closed-minded attitude puts people off.
Despite all its flaws though, I believe that the twelve-steppers offer a real treatment option for drunks. They can provide a lot more than just a way of staying off the drink; some people really blossom in the programme and go on to live fantastic lives that benefit themselves and everyone around them. Those of us who do not belong to AA can likewise live amazingly happy and productive lives even without the programme. It doesn’t have to be that one way is right and the other wrong.
I was previously a member of AA. I first started attending in my teens and once managed to go to a meeting every day for two years. There were times that I disliked the organisation, but it never reached the stage where I started to hate AA. I could see that it does work for some people; a lot of reformed drunks would likely be dead if it wasn’t for this twelve step programme.
I think though, that AA has been a victim of its own success. It is surely the most well-know treatment option and in some countries it seems to be the only alternative offered by the medical establishment. I remember the first treatment centre that I ended up in insisted that we attend the meetings during our stay. It was due to this that I had a bit of resentment towards the group in my younger years.
I think another reason why people hate AA is that some member of these groups are quite loud in their opinion that the meetings are the only solution for drunks. They seem to be against any type of further research into addiction and believe that AA should be the only option on the table. If you say that you are doing fine without the meetings they will either accuse you of being a ‘dry-drunk’ on the verge of drinking again or that you never were an alcoholic to begin with. This sort of closed-minded attitude puts people off.
Despite all its flaws though, I believe that the twelve-steppers offer a real treatment option for drunks. They can provide a lot more than just a way of staying off the drink; some people really blossom in the programme and go on to live fantastic lives that benefit themselves and everyone around them. Those of us who do not belong to AA can likewise live amazingly happy and productive lives even without the programme. It doesn’t have to be that one way is right and the other wrong.
Saturday 29 August 2009
Can drunks ever drink socially again?
“Can I ever drink socially again?” is a question you often here asked from newly recovered drunks. It is also something that people might ask even after years being sober. This is a dangerous line of thinking that has been the cause of much suffering for many of us. In my twenties I picked up alcohol again after two years sobriety because I allowed this question to make itself comfortable in my mind. I began to wonder if it would be possible for me to go and drink like a so called normal person.
The answer for me at least is that I can never drink socially again. I didn’t drink socially to begin with anyway. I just never saw the point in a beer now and again to be social. From my early teens the point of alcohol was to change the way I felt, and the more that I was able to consume the greater the effect. Drinking like a normal person or drinking socially just had no appeal to me. It still doesn’t.
I often hear about groups like moderation management that teach former drunks to drink socially again. These groups seem completely pointless to me, but maybe they work for some people. Why would I want to go back and do something that was once responsible for making my life so miserable? It is not like I’m missing out on much now is it? If drink isn’t going to allow me to completely numb my mind then it doesn’t seem to have much going for it.
I prefer the life of complete abstinence because I know that there is not one tiny bit of enjoyment left in alcohol for me. I made sure of that, because I drank enough for twenty lifetimes. It has been since walking away completely from alcohol that my life has been enjoyable. Even during the best days of my addiction there were never days like the ones I currently now regularly experience. Why would I even consider touching alcohol again? Why would any drunk? For me trying to drink like a normal person would be as silly as trying to avoid bruises like a lucky jay-walker – why would I want to take the risk of jay-walking?
The answer for me at least is that I can never drink socially again. I didn’t drink socially to begin with anyway. I just never saw the point in a beer now and again to be social. From my early teens the point of alcohol was to change the way I felt, and the more that I was able to consume the greater the effect. Drinking like a normal person or drinking socially just had no appeal to me. It still doesn’t.
I often hear about groups like moderation management that teach former drunks to drink socially again. These groups seem completely pointless to me, but maybe they work for some people. Why would I want to go back and do something that was once responsible for making my life so miserable? It is not like I’m missing out on much now is it? If drink isn’t going to allow me to completely numb my mind then it doesn’t seem to have much going for it.
I prefer the life of complete abstinence because I know that there is not one tiny bit of enjoyment left in alcohol for me. I made sure of that, because I drank enough for twenty lifetimes. It has been since walking away completely from alcohol that my life has been enjoyable. Even during the best days of my addiction there were never days like the ones I currently now regularly experience. Why would I even consider touching alcohol again? Why would any drunk? For me trying to drink like a normal person would be as silly as trying to avoid bruises like a lucky jay-walker – why would I want to take the risk of jay-walking?
Saturday 22 August 2009
The benefit of helping other addicts
Somebody recently asked me why I still think about my recovery from addiction? Why do I still write about it? This is a fair enough question. After all, I don’t belong to any recovery group exactly because of this reason; I don’t want to be constantly thinking about my previous problems. In fact for my first year away from alcohol I avoided anything even connected to the topic. For the last couple of years though, I have spent a bit of time thinking about my former addiction. Why is that?
I now like to stay involved with those involved with addiction problems for two main reason; the first is that I do believe that if we forget the mistakes of the past we are sure to repeat them, and secondly because there is just so much joy to be found in helping other people.
I had a book published a couple of years ago. It was a memoir about my former addiction. Of course it was a great joy to have something I wrote published, and I still get a thrill when I see my book in shops. The greatest reward though, has been when people contacted me to say that my book helped them in some way. Some have even claimed that it convinced them to get help for their addiction.
During the last days of my addiction I spent most of it drunk and wishing that I wasn’t. Most evenings were spent searching the internet for anything that would help me. I felt desperate, but found surprisingly little that worked for me. There were some great sites out there, but just not for me. It wasn’t until I found a web-site dedicated to the treatment of addicts here in Thailand that I got anything that really appealed to me. Maybe something I have to say will work for somebody else. If not, no problem because it doesn’t cost me much; I enjoy pottering around on the computer anyway.
I don’t try to help others because I see myself as some type of Mother Theresa type. I don’t. I learnt years ago that anyone trying to help other people usually benefits from it far more than the person they are helping. Maintaining contact with addicts also reminds me of where I have come from and what would happen if I were ever to go back.
I spent two decades in the midst of addiction. This time does not need to have been wasted if I can use the knowledge learnt from it to help other people.
I now like to stay involved with those involved with addiction problems for two main reason; the first is that I do believe that if we forget the mistakes of the past we are sure to repeat them, and secondly because there is just so much joy to be found in helping other people.
I had a book published a couple of years ago. It was a memoir about my former addiction. Of course it was a great joy to have something I wrote published, and I still get a thrill when I see my book in shops. The greatest reward though, has been when people contacted me to say that my book helped them in some way. Some have even claimed that it convinced them to get help for their addiction.
During the last days of my addiction I spent most of it drunk and wishing that I wasn’t. Most evenings were spent searching the internet for anything that would help me. I felt desperate, but found surprisingly little that worked for me. There were some great sites out there, but just not for me. It wasn’t until I found a web-site dedicated to the treatment of addicts here in Thailand that I got anything that really appealed to me. Maybe something I have to say will work for somebody else. If not, no problem because it doesn’t cost me much; I enjoy pottering around on the computer anyway.
I don’t try to help others because I see myself as some type of Mother Theresa type. I don’t. I learnt years ago that anyone trying to help other people usually benefits from it far more than the person they are helping. Maintaining contact with addicts also reminds me of where I have come from and what would happen if I were ever to go back.
I spent two decades in the midst of addiction. This time does not need to have been wasted if I can use the knowledge learnt from it to help other people.
Saturday 15 August 2009
Slowly does it
It can sometimes feel that I have stopped making progress in my recovery from addiction. It can occasionally even feel like there has been a big step backwards, and I’m behaving in a manner that seems frighteningly similar to how I once acted as a drunk. It is easy during these times to feel negative and wonder where I have gone wrong. When this happens I find it useful to remember exactly where I have come from. It seems likely that when any recovering drunk or druggy compares where they are now to how it was during the height of their addiction they are sure to feel a lot more positive about things currently; it is usually true for me anyway.
It is strange the way that we go from having such low expectations of ourselves in the midst of our addiction to expecting that we should be now flawless and always positive. That is just not the way it works. Entering recovery is not the end of the journey, but only the start. Previously I had been going around in ever decreasing circles with no hope of ever arriving at anywhere that I might want to be, but now that I am on the correct path, but have to travel a while before I reach my destination. As someone once told me, it doesn’t matter how fast we are going; the main thing is that we are going in the right direction.
Progress tends to only become noticeable over a period of time. The dramatic changes that occur during the early days of recovery from addiction occur less frequently. It is only by looking back on how I was a few months ago that I can say, yes I am now able to deal with this or that better than in the past. Sometimes the greatest progress seems to occur during periods where I have felt that I was going backwards. Some people compare this going backwards as preparing ourselves for a sprint forward.
It is strange the way that we go from having such low expectations of ourselves in the midst of our addiction to expecting that we should be now flawless and always positive. That is just not the way it works. Entering recovery is not the end of the journey, but only the start. Previously I had been going around in ever decreasing circles with no hope of ever arriving at anywhere that I might want to be, but now that I am on the correct path, but have to travel a while before I reach my destination. As someone once told me, it doesn’t matter how fast we are going; the main thing is that we are going in the right direction.
Progress tends to only become noticeable over a period of time. The dramatic changes that occur during the early days of recovery from addiction occur less frequently. It is only by looking back on how I was a few months ago that I can say, yes I am now able to deal with this or that better than in the past. Sometimes the greatest progress seems to occur during periods where I have felt that I was going backwards. Some people compare this going backwards as preparing ourselves for a sprint forward.
Saturday 8 August 2009
How to deal with the bad times in sobriety.
Just because we get sober it doesn’t mean that we will be exempt from bad things happening in life. Nobody gets a free ride it seems. The great news is the fact that we are sober means that we can deal with bad times far more effectively, and won’t be adding to the problem by drowning our sorrows. My life has been going well recently, but I know that there will likely be bad times in the future. Unlike my life previously though, I don’t allow this possibility of future pain to stop me from fully enjoying my current happiness.
While my life has been going well, I have been recently talking to people who aren’t having such an easy time of it. It has made me thing about the whole experience of bad times and why they happen. Since getting sober I have noticed that following each of these episodes of a rough patch that my life has had something really positive enter it afterwards. On each of these occasions the good that came afterwards was actually far more significant than the bad that came before. I remember someone once telling me that sometimes when we are going backwards it is to allow us to sprint forward and this definitely has been my experience with the whole thing.
So these bad times seem to be similar to the common cold that makes its rounds each year. We will pick these bugs up, but the best thing to do is get on with things as best we can until we shake it off.
While my life has been going well, I have been recently talking to people who aren’t having such an easy time of it. It has made me thing about the whole experience of bad times and why they happen. Since getting sober I have noticed that following each of these episodes of a rough patch that my life has had something really positive enter it afterwards. On each of these occasions the good that came afterwards was actually far more significant than the bad that came before. I remember someone once telling me that sometimes when we are going backwards it is to allow us to sprint forward and this definitely has been my experience with the whole thing.
So these bad times seem to be similar to the common cold that makes its rounds each year. We will pick these bugs up, but the best thing to do is get on with things as best we can until we shake it off.
Sunday 2 August 2009
The greatest gift of sobriety - my son
I drank away my late teens and continued into my twenties and wasted over half my thirties on my destructive obsession. During this time all that was really important much of the time was feeding my addiction. People who came in contact with me rarely benefited from my arrival into their lives; many people suffered because of it. I was just too selfish and self-absorbed to be of any use to anybody really. I had given up any dream of starting a family early on in my drinking career; I saw it as a sad but necessary sacrifice.
Yet, here I am about to celebrate my son’s second birthday. My little boy is getting bigger and bigger. I am in the peculiar position of wanting to watch him grow, but wanting to freeze every precious second that we spend together. It is all happening so fast. People said it would, and I thought that I knew what they meant; I didn’t. He is growing right in front of my eyes and every day I notice changes. He is not the same boy he was last month.
I am my son’s world and he is mine; at least for the moment. He is continuing to grow though, and one day he will discover that he doesn’t need me as much as he does now. He will realise that I’m not perfect. That is probably the fear of all fathers. The fear that our child will one day not need us quite as much as they do now.
This time next year my son will have changed all over again; the boy he is now will have disappeared. Maybe his current Thomas the Tank Engine obsession will be replaced by something new. One day he won’t need me to set up his train track and read him bedtime stories about the Island of Sodor and the naughty trains. One day he won’t scream with excitement when one of these imaginary trains come of the rails and the fat controller gets angry. One day he will realise that trains are just trains. One day I will be left wishing that we could go back to these simple times.
My son makes me feel a bit unworthy sometimes. Why should somebody who wasted so much of their life deserve to be a father to such a special boy? I can’t answer that. All I know is that my son is my life and for the moment I am his.
Yet, here I am about to celebrate my son’s second birthday. My little boy is getting bigger and bigger. I am in the peculiar position of wanting to watch him grow, but wanting to freeze every precious second that we spend together. It is all happening so fast. People said it would, and I thought that I knew what they meant; I didn’t. He is growing right in front of my eyes and every day I notice changes. He is not the same boy he was last month.
I am my son’s world and he is mine; at least for the moment. He is continuing to grow though, and one day he will discover that he doesn’t need me as much as he does now. He will realise that I’m not perfect. That is probably the fear of all fathers. The fear that our child will one day not need us quite as much as they do now.
This time next year my son will have changed all over again; the boy he is now will have disappeared. Maybe his current Thomas the Tank Engine obsession will be replaced by something new. One day he won’t need me to set up his train track and read him bedtime stories about the Island of Sodor and the naughty trains. One day he won’t scream with excitement when one of these imaginary trains come of the rails and the fat controller gets angry. One day he will realise that trains are just trains. One day I will be left wishing that we could go back to these simple times.
My son makes me feel a bit unworthy sometimes. Why should somebody who wasted so much of their life deserve to be a father to such a special boy? I can’t answer that. All I know is that my son is my life and for the moment I am his.
Saturday 25 July 2009
The death of Phra Hans
It is hard not to marvel at the way life can sometimes help us out by putting the exact person we need to meet onto our path. These guides appear in our lives when we are most desperate and in need of help. A more spiritual person might view these helpers as guardian angels, but many of us are far too cynical to believe in such things. We just put it all down to a quirk of life; that when we are ready the teacher appears. This is how I met Phra Hans.
I had made a complete mess things; I truly had. I was in such a desperate state when this kindly monk came into my life. I had been battling with addiction for twenty years and was losing badly. My life had become unbearable and the part of my mind that had given up hope of recovery just wanted it all to end quickly. I had only the tinniest flicker of hope left inside, and it was this that brought me to the gates of a temple in Thailand called Wat Thamkrabok. It was here that I met the Swiss monk.
The first day speaking to him wasn’t under ideal circumstances. I was sitting in a hard plastic chair shaking because of alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I hadn’t drunk anything that day; I had wanted to but my body just vomited everything back up. Despite not drinking though, I still stunk of booze; a horrible stale stench of alcohol that was seeping through my pores. I felt like a worthless piece of shit just sitting there.
Phra Hans just looked so healthy and serene that it briefly made me feel even more ashamed. But he didn’t show any signs of repulsion with me, as he sat there and patiently listened to my story. He didn’t interrupt once and this came as such a relief after meeting so many people who wanted to give me the answers before hearing my question. He put me at ease. The Swiss monk didn’t seem one bit surprised by anything that I said and didn’t show any signs of judging.
After I finished speaking he was silent for a few seconds before sharing his thoughts with me. He explained how it was his view that addiction was a tool that many of us use to cope with life. This tool though, is not as shiny and good as it first appears. It comes with a sting. The tool is causing us more pain then what we were trying to fix with it. Our addiction must be abandoned because it is now useless to us. There is good news. If we stop our addiction our path in life will find us; this is a reward for beating addiction. It was losing this path which led to our addiction in the first place.
That day in the office with Phra Hans I heard answers that had alluded me for decades. Although my withdrawals from addiction were making it difficult to concentrate, I could easily see that what he said was correct. Over the next couple of weeks at the temple my mind cleared and further chats with Phra Hans cleared things up even further.
I would see Phra Hans occasionally after this. I would drop by the temple and have a quick chat with him. Every time I would be rushing and not taking the time to really talk. I returned to the temple a few weeks ago with my family to celebrate three years sober. I missed Phra Hans that time altogether. I was told that he was sick, but my obsession with my busy life meant that I didn’t go to see him. Of course, I promised myself that next time I would spend a bit of time with him. I wasn’t to know that there wasn’t going to be a next time.
Phra Hans died a couple of days later. I felt sad, and it became tempting to try an turn him into a saint. I didn’t really know him enough for this. He struck me as a humble man. All I know is that he had a bigger impact on my life than people who I’ve known for years. I feel sure that whatever good karma he planted in this life will reward him. This is the Thai way; you don’t thank people too much because you know that their good work will bring them great benefit.
I had made a complete mess things; I truly had. I was in such a desperate state when this kindly monk came into my life. I had been battling with addiction for twenty years and was losing badly. My life had become unbearable and the part of my mind that had given up hope of recovery just wanted it all to end quickly. I had only the tinniest flicker of hope left inside, and it was this that brought me to the gates of a temple in Thailand called Wat Thamkrabok. It was here that I met the Swiss monk.
The first day speaking to him wasn’t under ideal circumstances. I was sitting in a hard plastic chair shaking because of alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I hadn’t drunk anything that day; I had wanted to but my body just vomited everything back up. Despite not drinking though, I still stunk of booze; a horrible stale stench of alcohol that was seeping through my pores. I felt like a worthless piece of shit just sitting there.
Phra Hans just looked so healthy and serene that it briefly made me feel even more ashamed. But he didn’t show any signs of repulsion with me, as he sat there and patiently listened to my story. He didn’t interrupt once and this came as such a relief after meeting so many people who wanted to give me the answers before hearing my question. He put me at ease. The Swiss monk didn’t seem one bit surprised by anything that I said and didn’t show any signs of judging.
After I finished speaking he was silent for a few seconds before sharing his thoughts with me. He explained how it was his view that addiction was a tool that many of us use to cope with life. This tool though, is not as shiny and good as it first appears. It comes with a sting. The tool is causing us more pain then what we were trying to fix with it. Our addiction must be abandoned because it is now useless to us. There is good news. If we stop our addiction our path in life will find us; this is a reward for beating addiction. It was losing this path which led to our addiction in the first place.
That day in the office with Phra Hans I heard answers that had alluded me for decades. Although my withdrawals from addiction were making it difficult to concentrate, I could easily see that what he said was correct. Over the next couple of weeks at the temple my mind cleared and further chats with Phra Hans cleared things up even further.
I would see Phra Hans occasionally after this. I would drop by the temple and have a quick chat with him. Every time I would be rushing and not taking the time to really talk. I returned to the temple a few weeks ago with my family to celebrate three years sober. I missed Phra Hans that time altogether. I was told that he was sick, but my obsession with my busy life meant that I didn’t go to see him. Of course, I promised myself that next time I would spend a bit of time with him. I wasn’t to know that there wasn’t going to be a next time.
Phra Hans died a couple of days later. I felt sad, and it became tempting to try an turn him into a saint. I didn’t really know him enough for this. He struck me as a humble man. All I know is that he had a bigger impact on my life than people who I’ve known for years. I feel sure that whatever good karma he planted in this life will reward him. This is the Thai way; you don’t thank people too much because you know that their good work will bring them great benefit.
Monday 20 July 2009
Fitness and recovery
When I entered recovery after years of alcohol addiction my body was in pretty bad shape. My liver was screaming blue murder, and my the rest of me was so familiar with feeling ill that I had forgotten what it felt like to be healthy. For the best part of two decades I felt sick most of the time and didn’t even know it. It wasn’t until I had a break from alcohol that it was possible for me to appreciate what healthy meant; it came as a wonderful surprise.
Two years into my recovery from addiction I made a few discoveries. Although I was no longer drinking alcohol, and my body was feeling a lot better, it soon became obvious that there was more work to be done. I had started piling on a lot of weight, and the fact that I had a small frame made this extra weight seem far from flattering. I reached 85 kg. I might have got away with this if I lived back in Europe where baggy clothes can hide a lot of fat, but living in a hot country like Thailand meant hiding my belly would involve dying from heat stroke. The fact that I was also surrounded by Thai people who tend to be small worked to make me feel even more of a fatty.
As well as feeling a bit self-conscious about my extra weight there was also the problem of my unhealthy diet causing me feel sluggish much of the time. When my son was born I struggled to keep up with him and realised that something would have to change. I decided that I didn’t get sober to feel bad. Becoming overweight was one thing, but not being able to play for long periods with my son really got to me. I imagined what it would be like in another decade when I’m in my fifties. No, action would need to be taken and taken right away.
Last year I made the wise move of buying a game called Wii Fit for my Nintendo. This introduced me back into fitness. I was soon able to exercise for half an hour a day and this increased to nearly an hour on some days. My energy levels quickly came back. I also changed my diet to a vegetarian one and this also improved the way my body felt. The weight quickly fell away and I am now 70 kg and seem to have no problem maintaining this weight.
I have also found my way back into martial arts. These have always held a great attraction for me. It was actually my move away from martial arts in my teens which signalled my move into addiction. I now practice Tai Chi every day; as well as working out in the more energetic martial arts. This is working to keep me feeling physically fit and maintain my interest in keeping healthy.
Now fitness is an important part of my ongoing recovery from addiction. I do something every day and like the way my body has a much younger feel to it. I would hate to go back to the way things were before. Life is too good. I don’t see exercise as a chore, but something to look forward to; a welcome break. Pumping up a sweat can really provide a good feeling.
Two years into my recovery from addiction I made a few discoveries. Although I was no longer drinking alcohol, and my body was feeling a lot better, it soon became obvious that there was more work to be done. I had started piling on a lot of weight, and the fact that I had a small frame made this extra weight seem far from flattering. I reached 85 kg. I might have got away with this if I lived back in Europe where baggy clothes can hide a lot of fat, but living in a hot country like Thailand meant hiding my belly would involve dying from heat stroke. The fact that I was also surrounded by Thai people who tend to be small worked to make me feel even more of a fatty.
As well as feeling a bit self-conscious about my extra weight there was also the problem of my unhealthy diet causing me feel sluggish much of the time. When my son was born I struggled to keep up with him and realised that something would have to change. I decided that I didn’t get sober to feel bad. Becoming overweight was one thing, but not being able to play for long periods with my son really got to me. I imagined what it would be like in another decade when I’m in my fifties. No, action would need to be taken and taken right away.
Last year I made the wise move of buying a game called Wii Fit for my Nintendo. This introduced me back into fitness. I was soon able to exercise for half an hour a day and this increased to nearly an hour on some days. My energy levels quickly came back. I also changed my diet to a vegetarian one and this also improved the way my body felt. The weight quickly fell away and I am now 70 kg and seem to have no problem maintaining this weight.
I have also found my way back into martial arts. These have always held a great attraction for me. It was actually my move away from martial arts in my teens which signalled my move into addiction. I now practice Tai Chi every day; as well as working out in the more energetic martial arts. This is working to keep me feeling physically fit and maintain my interest in keeping healthy.
Now fitness is an important part of my ongoing recovery from addiction. I do something every day and like the way my body has a much younger feel to it. I would hate to go back to the way things were before. Life is too good. I don’t see exercise as a chore, but something to look forward to; a welcome break. Pumping up a sweat can really provide a good feeling.
Saturday 27 June 2009
Three years today
It was three years ago on this date that I arrived in Wat Thamkrabok a desperate and hopeless man. This is no exaggeration; I really was on my last legs and I swore to myself that I would do anything that the monks told me if it would help me escape my misery. Luckily, they didn't ask anything too unreasonable and my life has been wonderful since then.
I visited the temple today. I took my wife and my son to meet the people who gave me back a life. I doubt my almost two-year old son would be here if it were not for the temple; he has been the greatest gift in my sobriety.
I brought my family to the temple in our brand new car; when I went there three years ago it was on a motorbike which was fallen apart. So many great gifts have been given to me these last three years. Things have happened in my life which are beyond my wildest dreams.
It was so nice being back in the temple today. There were other visitors who I had previously only known as names on internet forums. We had a great little talk about the miracle of the sober and clean life. We discussed our continued gratitude to the temple.
The extremely sad news, though, is that the monk who had been so important to my recovery is very unwell. It was his words that I clung to during my time at the temple. It is his words that I still refer to today. I can only hope that he manages his illness with the same wisdom and inner-strength which he has given to other people. It is easy to feel a bit cheated by this news. Why should somebody who has been such a help to others need to go through any suffering? On the other hand, though, he is waking his path, and it will take him where he needs to be - he told me that.
Wednesday 24 June 2009
My life as a Thai teacher
Please don't forget to check out my teaching blog on;
http://mylifeasateacherinthailand.blogspot.com/
Sunday 7 June 2009
Irish Website for Wat Thamkrabok
There have been a few concerns raised about this organisation so I've removed the link for now.
New Dawn - taken off the blog for now
I have decided to remove the excerpts of my book 'New Dawn' for now. It still needs quite a bit of work, but I just don't have the time these days. The good news is that I will have a new book released some time next year. I will provide more information nearer the time.
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