Slowly does it

It can sometimes feel that I have stopped making progress in my recovery from addiction. It can occasionally even feel like there has been a big step backwards, and I’m behaving in a manner that seems frighteningly similar to how I once acted as a drunk. It is easy during these times to feel negative and wonder where I have gone wrong. When this happens I find it useful to remember exactly where I have come from. It seems likely that when any recovering drunk or druggy compares where they are now to how it was during the height of their addiction they are sure to feel a lot more positive about things currently; it is usually true for me anyway.

It is strange the way that we go from having such low expectations of ourselves in the midst of our addiction to expecting that we should be now flawless and always positive. That is just not the way it works. Entering recovery is not the end of the journey, but only the start. Previously I had been going around in ever decreasing circles with no hope of ever arriving at anywhere that I might want to be, but now that I am on the correct path, but have to travel a while before I reach my destination. As someone once told me, it doesn’t matter how fast we are going; the main thing is that we are going in the right direction.

Progress tends to only become noticeable over a period of time. The dramatic changes that occur during the early days of recovery from addiction occur less frequently. It is only by looking back on how I was a few months ago that I can say, yes I am now able to deal with this or that better than in the past. Sometimes the greatest progress seems to occur during periods where I have felt that I was going backwards. Some people compare this going backwards as preparing ourselves for a sprint forward.