My visa wasn’t due to finish for almost a month, but I decided to pay a visit to immigration anyway and get a month extension out of the way. This would mean that I would have nearly two months before needing to make the trip again. I was looking for an excuse to go to Chiang Mai anyway, and this seemed like the ideal reason. I really enjoyed my trips to this capital of the North of Thailand, and It was in that the city where I had first met Oa and had previously attended a meditation retreat at Wat Rampoeng. It was my type of place with plenty of bookstores. I tended to visit there every couple of months.
Oa decided that she didn’t want to go with me so this meant that I could make the 350KM journey by motorbike. I would enjoy being back out on the road again. These long journeys felt like a great way of catching up with myself. There was less distractions on the road, than my life in general, so it gave me plenty of time to think.
I had made the trip to Chiang Mai, by motorbike, on a number of times so felt fairly familiar with the journey . It was relatively straight forward. I started off from Chat Trakan and made my way by the back roads to Uttaridit where I would join the main road. I always needed to be cautious on these back roads because there would frequently be dogs, chickens and snakes wandering into the middle of the road. There was carrion everywhere on the roads from collisions with cars, but I knew that if my bike was to hit them it would also be me lying on the road. It was something that I tried not to think about too much as it really scared me. Another danger on these back roads was frequent potholes which could sometimes come upon me unexpectedly. Despite all the dangers I still loved riding the bike.
After Uttaridit the road climbs up into the hills near Den Chai. The journey slows down here as the roads become very steep as they curvedaround the hills. As usual I found myself stuck behind a convoy of trucks which crawled in front of me. It could be difficult to get past these huge beasts as the winding road would make it almost impossible to see in front of me. Still the slow progress allowed me to appreciate the scenery around me which was stunning. The fact that we were so high meant that we could see for miles into beautiful valleys below.
After Den Chai I changed road and made my way to Lampang. This was where Flower and her aunty Nit, from Wat Thamkrabok, lived. I could picture her chubby happy face. I wondered how she was doing now. Had she left the world of yaa baa and opium addiction behind her? She seemed positive back in the temple about her future. She had a child to look after. I hoped that she hadn’t fallen back in with her previous drug buddies. Staying clean and sober could be especially difficult when you were surrounded by familiar temptation. Her aunty had said that she wouldn’t be returning to Lampang after the temple because she had friends in Pattaya she wanted to stay with. As I passed through the city I kept my eye out for Flower; realising that the chances of bumping into her were slim to none. As I left Lampang behind me I mentally sent her my good wishes.
As someone who has just escaped from an addiction I know that the statistics are stacked against me. Relapse is common and many would argue that you are never truly free from their addictive past. It will always be in the background waiting for a chance to strike. It’s depressing to think about it really. All the progress and good things in my life could be whipped away again, and I could be back to the wreck of a man that I was before entering the temple. I don’t even like to consider that option. I put my faith in the fact that my addiction is cured. I might still get the occasional drinking thought. This is natural, especially as there is constant reminders everywhere. The main thing is that I won’t let myself forget the misery of a return to alcohol.
I think that this is one way that giving up alcohol is harder than other addictions. It is so much part of society, especially in the west. You don’t need to spend much time watching television there before you will see scenes of people partying or enjoying a well earned drink. This is less true in Thai media, but it still occurs. I have never seen the same positive images used with other drugs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about this, and I’m not about to launch into a tirade about the evil drinks industry, and how they have brainwashed everyone. That is not really my concern and well beyond my ability to change. I don’t want to change the world so much as improve my ability to live in it and maybe help others along the way if I can. My point though is that there is a lot of positive reinforcement in the use of alcohol out there. The same could probably have been said about cigarettes years ago. Now alcohol is still promoted as something used to celebrate with, to relax after a hard days work, to drown sorrows and to act as a social lubricant.
When I tell people that I don’t smoke there is rarely an eyebrow raised and you don’t really get people asking for a reason why you don’t do it. Not smoking isn’t seen as odd behaviour, at least not these days. When you tell people you don’t drink you do get a different response though. Many people do want to know why and some can be very persistent in their questioning. I know that when I was younger I always thought that anybody who didn’t drink was either somebody who ‘found God’ or somebody who couldn’t because they were on the wagon.
When asked ‘why don’t you drink ?’ it put me in a position of either trying to brush off the question or telling them my life story. Do I need to tell everyone that I’m a reformed drunk who now needs to avoid the stuff like the plague, or do I just say I don’t like to drink. I suppose both answers are fine and in many situations I would opt for answer two. There are some persistent questioners though for who this answer isn’t enough. They want more information. Many of these people probably have drink problems themselves, as their persistence in questioning along this line proves an obsession of sorts. If I think that it will help them I might tell them a bit about my history. Other times I might just say that I like to meditate and drinking interferes with my ability to this. They might see me as a bit of an odd-ball for this answer but it often stops the questioning and it is true in a way.
There is constant reminders of alcohol in the world around me, but surprisingly I do get days go by without even a thought of alcohol. These reminders will always be there, but I feel sure that as times moves on they will mean even less. I have been lucky enough to meet people with many years of sobriety so I do know that it is a possible achievement.
