Paul garrigan's addiction and recovery blog

Change of Address

2010-06-04T16:31:00.003+07:00

I have decided to move this blog to a new location. My aim is to provide a lot more content focusing on fighting addiction and getting the most from recovery. You can find the new blog here

2010-05-23T08:24:00.000+07:00

In this episode we discuss the benefits of meditation for those suffering or recovering from addiction.

Don’t forget to check out the Dead Drunk Facebook Page

Music for this week’s podcast comes from Doug and Judy Smith

Should Ireland Send Addicts to Thailand?

2010-05-19T15:58:00.001+07:00

A recent article in the Irish Herald newspaper referred to some of my ideas about sending Irish addicts for treatment in Thailand. I would just like to expand on some of the issues raised in order to give a fuller
explanation of my views. It is not my intention to come across as some sort of evangelist for any temple detox program in Thailand, but merely to suggest an option that I feel could work for some addicts.

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Theories about Substance Abuse and the Models of Addiction

2010-05-17T15:15:00.001+07:00

The way that a substance abuse treatment program will deal with substance abuse will usually depend on which of the models of addiction they subscribe to. Many attempts have been made throughout history to provide a reason as to why some people abuse alcohol or drugs to such an extent that they harm themselves and others. The behavior of the addict can really baffle those around them and the addict themselves will often be at a loss to explain their destructive behavior.

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Mindfulness Addiction Cure?

2010-05-16T10:48:00.000+07:00

Can Meditation Beat Substance Abuse?
A mindfulness addiction cure would be something that would be welcome by many people. There is a lot of interest in the possibility of using mediation as a means to combating substance abuse. Alcohol and drug abuse is
recognized as contributing to a whole host of personal and societal problems. In this article I will discuss my own experience of using mindfulness as an addict and in recovery.

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Addiction and Recovery Podcast 23 - The Response to Dead Drunk

2010-05-11T22:50:00.001+07:00

Don't forget to check out the Dead Drunk Facebook Page

Music in today's podcast is from Doug and Judy Smith.

Addiction and Recovery Podcast 22 - Dealing with Difficult Times in Recovery

2010-05-01T22:52:00.001+07:00

In this podcast I discuss my recent experiences of dealing with difficult times in recovery.

Don't forget to join the Dead Drunk Facebook Page if you want to find out what is happening with the book.

Dead Drunk After Three Years

2010-04-24T01:06:00.003+07:00

It has been almost three years since I first began writing my account of addiction and about my time spent in Thamkrabok temple detox. So much has happened during that time, and my life has changed in so many ways. For one thing my son came along and that certainly shook my world, but things have been unpredictable in other ways as well. When I first began posting some of my experiences as a blog it was just a way to get things off my chest; there was no way that I could know that this would all lead to an actual published book. Yet here we are; today for the first time I held the finished product 'Dead Drunk' in my hands.

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Is Wat Thamkrabok the Magic Cure for Addiction?

2010-04-21T02:10:00.002+07:00

Don't forget to check out my Dead Drunk Facebook page

2010-04-18T20:23:00.002+07:00

The Vomiting Ceremony of Wat Thamkrabok

2010-04-14T21:49:00.000+07:00

Wat Thamkrabok is famous for its vomiting ceremony. In fact when this temple detox is mentioned in the western media it is usually this that gets the most attention. This is hardly surprising as the practice is just so unique; there are also those individuals who would even see it as extreme. The vomiting is an important component of addiction treatment at Wat Thamkrabok, but it is only a part of it.

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Public Talk in Dublin

2010-04-12T23:02:00.007+07:00

As Part of the promotion for my book "Dead Drunk" I will be giving a talk on the fourth of May in the Irish Writer's Centre. This will be open to anyone who wants to come. Here are the details;

Title: Does Wat Thamkrabok Offer a Wonder Cure for Addiction?
Venue; Irish Writer's Centre Parnell Square
Time: 19:00 4 May 2010
Click for Directions

Advice for People Considering Addiction Treatment at Thamkrabok

2010-04-12T21:37:00.001+07:00

The Thamkrabok temple detox is becoming an increasingly popular choice for those hoping to escape the misery of substance abuse.

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Free Treatment at Wat Thamkrabok

2010-04-10T01:07:00.003+07:00

The treatment at Wat Thamkrabok is provided freely; although most people will give a donation to the temple at the end of their trip. Those who can only afford the plane ticket to Thailand will be welcome no matter how much money they have with them; nobody is ever turned away.

There are some organisations that can assist people to get to the temple and some of these may have costs involved. It should be noted though, that there is no requirement to use these services or pay anything. This is optional; plenty of people make their way to the temple without the need. You can find some useful information here;

Latest News about Dead Drunk

2010-04-08T22:56:00.003+07:00

It is now only a few weeks away until the release of my book Dead Drunk - 30th of April. My publisher Maverick House is arranging for some radio appearances in Ireland and there is also going to be a public talk somewhere in Dublin. Other exciting promotional activities are also being planned - exciting for me at least. I will let people know as soon as more details are available.

Please feel free to join my Dead Drunk page on Facebook.
Dead Drunk Fan Page

Addiction and Recovery Podcast 20 - Dead Drunk

2010-03-31T17:05:00.002+07:00

In this episode I discuss my new book Dead Drunk and what prompted me to write it.

Dead Drunk Cover

2010-03-30T12:24:00.002+07:00

This is to be the cover for my new book Dead Drunk which will be available in book stores across Ireland, the UK, and Asia from 30th of April 2010.

Spiritual Enlightenment; The Damndest Thing by Jed McKenna - Book Review

2010-03-29T18:12:00.000+07:00

Jed McKenna claims to be enlightened; this is what he says in Spiritual Enlightenment; the damndest thing. I don't know if that is true or not but what I do know is that he has some interesting ideas to share. In this book he said some things that challenged some of my own beliefs and opinions. What really surprised me was that by the end of the book some of my ideas and opinions had changed. Not because I believe that Jed McKenna is some higher spiritual being, I don't really care about this, but because what he said felt convincing; you know that feeling when you read something and you just know it's true.

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Just Giving Up Drinking Alcohol May Not Be Enough

2010-03-23T23:37:00.001+07:00

A Dream Come True - Dead Drunk Will Hit Bookstores Soon

2010-03-20T20:19:00.000+07:00

Less than four years ago my life was a mess. I had been an alcoholic for almost two decades and had lost all hope of there ever being an escape. I had hit my first treatment centre before even leaving my teens and had been in and out of recovery groups every few years since that time. I had tried and failed at every addiction method that I could find and had been told that my liver was damaged. I was in my late thirties and had ended up somehow living in a Thai village; I was waiting to die.

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Addiction and Recovery Podcast 19 - Dealing with our Perceptions

2010-03-15T20:08:00.001+07:00

Most days bad things happen because of our internal mood rather than what is actually happening in the outside world. Learning to see that the problem is often us, and not the world around us, can be a great help by making things easier to deal with.

How to Develop the Motivation to Quit Addiction

2010-03-15T00:00:00.000+07:00

A huge problem for those wishing to escape addiction is to develop the motivation to actually make the move. It is fine to know intellectually that you want to quit substance abuse but developing the energy to turn this into action is not so easy. I knew for almost two decades that my addiction was destroying my life, but there were only a few occasions when I actually tried to do something about it.

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Does Wat Thamkrabok Offer a Wonder Cure for Addiction?

2010-03-09T19:54:00.000+07:00

In my new book ‘Dead Drunk’ I discuss how a Thai temple called Wat Thamkrabok helped me beat my addiction to alcohol. It is now almost four years since I left the temple and it really does feel like my addiction has been completely defeated.

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The Benefits of Mantra; Evidence that it Can Help Individuals Cope with Stress

2010-02-27T07:42:00.000+07:00

The benefits of Mantra have been recognized for centuries but it is only recently that scientific evidence is available to support these claims.

Read Me

What is Mindfulness Based Relapse Prevention?

2010-02-26T15:07:00.000+07:00

Mindfulness based relapse prevention is promising to be a useful technique in the battle against addiction.

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Addiction and Recovery Podcast 18 - living in the present

2010-02-23T19:49:00.000+07:00

In this week's episode I discuss the importance of living in the present.

Dead Drunk to be Released in April 31 2010

2010-02-18T14:59:00.003+07:00

My next book Dead Drunk is due for release on April 31 2010

Maverick House Website

Alcoholic Neuropathy Symptoms

2010-02-18T14:53:00.000+07:00

Long term abuse of alcohol can lead to nerve damage. This alcoholic neuropathy can make life difficult for those needing to deal with the symptoms.

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Addiction and Recovery Podcast 17 – It is better to change yourself than try to change the world

2010-02-16T19:54:00.000+07:00

In this episode I examine the idea that it is easier to work on changing ourselves rather than trying to change the world. I have found that focusing on what other people are doing wrong allows me to ignore my own shortcomings.

10 Addiction Recovery Tips

2010-02-09T14:01:00.000+07:00

Addiction recovery tips can help those who are struggling to escape from Substance abuse

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Can I ever drink again?

2010-02-09T05:38:00.000+07:00

In the past I have hung onto the idea that if I manage to stay sober for x number of months or years that I will be able to drink again. There is also the idea that if this or that happens in my life then it will be safe to drink again. I explore this myth in today’s podcast.

You can check out my blog at;
http://paulgarrigan.blogspot.com/

A Simple Dual Diagnosis Definition

2010-02-06T19:39:00.001+07:00

A simple dual diagnosis definition is important for those needing to deal with addiction and mental illness.

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Are You an Alcoholic? How to Tell If You Have a Drink Problem

2010-02-05T17:23:00.000+07:00

A drink problem can make life unbearable for you and for those in your immediate vicinity. Deciding if you are an alcoholic can be an important first step to recovery from alcohol addiction. What follows are my views on the issue. I am no expert on addiction, but I did spend almost two decades battling the booze. Much of my adult life was spent trying to investigate what made me the way I was; thankfully those days are now behind me.

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Addiction and Recovery podcast 15 – dealing with depression in recovery

2010-02-01T18:33:00.000+07:00

Depression is commonly associated with addiction. If it occurs in recovery it can make life unsatisfying, and increases the chances of relapse. The unfortunate thing is that there are believed to be many people in recovery trying to muddle along with untreated depression – they may not even realise that there is a problem.

Addiction and recovery podcast 14 - Staying positive

2010-01-27T19:56:00.001+07:00

In this episode I discuss the importance of staying positive. I also examine the risks associated with too much self-absorption.

Don't forget that you can subscribe to the podcast through iTunes.

Just click on play to listen

Relapse and relapse prevention

2010-01-18T18:56:00.001+07:00

In this podcast I will discuss the important subject of relapse. This is a danger for everyone in recovery and all care must be taken to avoid it.

Don’t forget that you can subscribe to this podcast on iTunes.

Understanding Dry Drunk Syndrome and How to Deal with Dry Drunk Symptoms

2010-01-17T18:55:00.000+07:00

The term dry drunk syndrome can seem a bit confusing; after all if someone isn't drinking how can they possibly be a drunk? Well the dry drunk definition refers to a form of negative behavior that some people can exhibit even though they are not drinking alcohol.

Dry drunk definition

When we say that somebody is a dry drunk we usually mean that they are behaving in much the same way as they did as an addict. They may not be actually ingesting alcohol but in many other ways it is business as usual. This is a dangerous type of behavior for reformed addicts because a dry drunk syndrome can easily lead to a real return to addiction.

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Mindfulness and Jon Kabat-Zinn

2010-01-13T11:30:00.003+07:00

I have previously talked about how important Mindfulness meditation has been for my recovery from addiction. One very good teacher of this technique is Jon Kabat-Zinn. He has taken mindfulness from its Buddhist source and adapted it for a much wider audience.

Here is a video of him talking about this technique. It is over an hour long, but he offers some useful insights that can help everyone struggling with addiction or managing their recovery. I hope you enjoy it.

Addiction and Recovery Podcast 12 - Lessons from the temple

2010-01-12T07:50:00.001+07:00

In this week’s episode I discuss how I eventually managed to get sober. I also talk about the tools that I managed to pick up during treatment at Wat Thamkrabok.
To find out more about this drug treatment facility in Thailand you can just click on the link.
http://www.thamkrabok-monastery.org/

Don’t forget that you can subscribe to this podcast on iTunes

Music for today’s podcast came from Doug and Judy Smith and the song is called “Crest of a Revolution”.

Addiction & Recovery Podcast 11 Dealing with bad days in sobriety

2010-01-05T18:18:00.000+07:00

Life in recovery is not always a box of chocolates. Even those of us who have made it into to recovery will still have to deal with bad days. In this episode I will examine how to deal with the bad times within returning to addiction.

2010-01-01T19:15:00.002+07:00

I love New Year; I always have. For many years it was a time of relief; I would have a whole new year ahead of me that I hadn't messed up yet. I would make all sorts of promises about how things would be different, but things usually ended up pretty much the same. These were during the long period when I was a drunk. By the end of most years I would be looking back at the previous one with shame, but full of hope for the next one. This doesn't happen anymore; well not in the same way. I still look forward with excitement to the New Year, but I have no shame about the previous one. I had a great 2009; in fact every year has been great since I gave up alcohol.

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Addiction and Recovery Podcast 10 - New Year Resolution

2009-12-28T17:48:00.001+07:00

It is nearly 2010. In this podcast I discuss my future hopes and explain why every new year is great in recovery.

You can now download the 'addiction and recovery podcast' on iTunes.

Happy New Year

Healthy Smile; The Benefits of Smiling and How it Can Make You Live Longer and Better

2009-12-23T09:57:00.002+07:00

Studies have shown that there are definite mental and physical benefits of smiling. It is claimed that not only will a healthy smile make life easier to deal with, but it could even mean that you live longer. I must admit that this all sounds really impressive. On the other hand, if I were to walk around with a big smile on my face all the time people might think I was a bit mad; I also come from a culture where doing too much of this type of thing is viewed as just begging the gods to smite you. So before I risk upsetting the puppet masters and ruining my reputation it would be nice to learn a bit more about the benefits of smiling.

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Addiction and Recovery Podcast 9 - The drunk at Christmas

2009-12-20T19:33:00.002+07:00

In this episode I will talk a bit about why life can be so hard for a drunk at Christmas

Have a happy and sober Christmas

Paul

The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/

Recovery Health; The Mental Health Benefit of Sober Fitness

2009-12-17T18:58:00.001+07:00

Why is recovery health important?

I have learnt that feeling physically out of shape is not a good way to be in recovery. Health is something that has become increasing important to me since getting sober. Fitness can be taken to extremes like anything else, but I have discovered just how much mental health is connected to aerobic fitness. If my body does not feel good then my thoughts tend to be sluggish and my mood low. I can get into a vicious cycle where the less I do the less I want to do. This can lead to my recovery beginning to feel unsatisfying and then we are on dangerous ground

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Addiction and Recovery podcast 8 - letting go

2009-12-13T18:26:00.002+07:00

In this episode I discuss a little about the importance of letting go in recovery. It really is my belief that much of our misery in life is optional.

Why Do Drunks like to Ruin Christmas for Everyone?

2009-12-11T05:35:00.000+07:00

Christmas is a time when families come together. It is a time for great joy; especially if there are children in the house. One thing that can completely destroy this occasion is having a drunk in the family. You would think that these people would be able to control themselves for just this one day; the reality is that drunks tend to display their worst behavior at this time of year. I know because that drunk was once me.

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Addiction and Recovery Podcast 7 – the risk of memories

2009-12-06T06:21:00.000+07:00

In this episode I discuss the dangers of memories to the addict; it is easy for this to lead to ‘romancing the drink’. Memories are tricky and can be really misleading.

The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/

You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes

How to Deal with a Drunk in Your Life

2009-12-04T05:06:00.002+07:00

This is something that I have wanted to talk about for a while, but I've always found it hard to figure out what it is I want to say. I've never really had to deal with a drunk in my life; it was always me who was the drunk. This is what makes it so difficult for me; it's so personal. This is a question that I get asked a lot; how to deal with a drunk. I try to think about what would have been the best thing to help me during the midst of my addiction, and there is no easy answer to this.

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Addiction and Recovery - podcast 6 - Addiction and Art

2009-11-29T05:49:00.001+07:00

In this podcast I will discuss a bit about the importance of art for addicts. I will also discuss a little my own views on new drug treatments for addiction.

The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;

http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes.

Press play below to listen

Is Topiramate the Wonder Cure for Addiction? I Do Not Think So

2009-11-26T19:10:00.002+07:00

There is a lot of excitement over the last few years over a drug called Topiramate and the hope that this wonder drug will cure addiction for once and for all. Many researchers, as well as others working in the addiction field, seem really excited about Topiramate as a cure for addiction. To be honest I'm a bit skeptical about the whole thing. I think that finding drugs to treat addiction is sort of missing the point; at least it would have been for my situation.

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Art Can Save Drunks and Addicts

2009-11-24T20:14:00.002+07:00

I always feel a bit hesitant when it comes to claiming that addicts are somehow fundamentally different from the people around them, but it does seem to be that way. Maybe it is just that certain personalities are more drawn to addiction. One thing that I've noticed about us addicts is that we seem to be extremely sensitive people.

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Addiction and recovery podcast 5; is recovery dull?

2009-11-22T10:22:00.001+07:00

Is recovery dull?
In this week’s episode I discuss more about life in recovery. I remember once fearing that the sober life would be dull, but this is far from the case. This week I will also discuss a bit about dual diagnosis. Please leave a comment if have any suggestions for the podcast or just want to say hello.
The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;

http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/
You can also subscribe to the Addiction and Recovery podcast in iTunes.
Just press the play button below and you are good to go.

Benefits of Learned Optimism and How it Can Make You Live Longer

2009-11-22T09:56:00.002+07:00

Learned optimism is not only likely to make you a lot happier but research is showing that people who are optimistic are healthier and can live up to seven years longer than the pessimistic. For some of us being optimistic doesn't seem to come naturally, but the good news is that it seems possible to teach ourselves to more positive about the future. This is something that I have been trying for a few years, and I'm pleased to say there have been some great benefits in my life.

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Video about Thamkrabok

2009-11-21T17:30:00.002+07:00

Here is a video about Wat Thamkrabok Thailand. This is the Buddhist treatment facility where I became sober. It was made by one of the western monks who stayed in the temple.

Is Sober Living Dull?

2009-11-21T17:25:00.002+07:00

Those who are considering escaping addiction or are new to recovery might worry that sober living is a bit dull. They fear that the excitement and spontaneity found when they use alcohol or drug just won't be there for them in recovery.

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Alcoholism and dual diagnosis

2009-11-19T19:06:00.002+07:00

Alcoholism and dual diagnosis is something you may or may not have heard about previously. When we say that somebody has a dual diagnosis we are referring to the fact that as well as having an addiction problem that person also has another mental health problem to deal with.

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5 Dangers of alcohol abuse

2009-11-17T08:35:00.004+07:00

In fact there are far more than 5 dangers of alcohol abuse; if somebody continues to abuse alcohol for a long time it can lead to destroying not only their life, mind, and body, but also the lives of those around them. For the sake of simplicity though, here are just 5 dangers of alcohol abuse.

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How to listen to Podcasts

2009-11-14T17:45:00.002+07:00

I know that a few people have become a bit muddled about how to listen to the podcasts. All you have to do is go to the post and click the play button at the bottom, or you can use the player on the right hand side of the screen.

If you want to subscibe you will also be able to get this podcast via iTunes.

Addiction and Recovery Podcast 4

2009-11-14T06:07:00.000+07:00

In this weeks podcast I am going to talk about achieving your dreams in sobriety. The was a subject I discussed a few weeks back in an article I published on associated content;

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2298719/the_importance_of_living_your_dreams.html?cat=5

For me achieving your dreams is what recovery is all about.

The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/

Addiction and Recovery podcast 3

2009-11-07T05:50:00.002+07:00

In this episode I will talk about recovery groups. Are they important and is it possible to recover from addiction without them? I have also written an article on the subject here;

http://bit.ly/VmoNx
You can check out more of my articles here;
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/569636/paul_garrigan.html

The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/

Addiction and recovery podcast 2

2009-11-01T05:37:00.003+07:00

In this episode we will look at how mindfulness helped me deal with my alcohol addiction, and why it is still important to me in recovery. I have also written an article about the topic here;

http://bit.ly/4aOyqw

I have written many more articles dealing with addiction and other subjects here;
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/569636/paul_garrigan.html

You can follow my blog here;

http://paulgarrigan.blogspot.com/

The music for today’s podcast was written by Doug and Judy Smith and was called “Crest of a revolution”. You can find out more about them here;
http://www.dougsmithguitar.com/

Addiction and Recovery Podcast - Episode 1

2009-10-27T21:11:00.004+07:00

I have decided to give podcasting a go. I am only testing the waters at the moment, but hopefully it will become a regular thing.

How to deal with stress in recovery

2009-10-24T16:35:00.001+07:00

Stress can be a real problem for people in recovery. In fact it was often our inability to handle life that drove many of us to addiction and kept us there for years. It was not so much that our lives were always more stressful than other people’s lives (although sometimes they were) but more to do with the fact that we just didn’t have the tools or mental resources to deal with it.

Stress isn’t that bad really; in fact sometimes a little bit of stress can be good if it we need to do something like sitting an exam that requires a lot of effort. It is only when stress is too much for our capabilities that it really becomes a problem. For many of us who spent years in the midst of addiction our way of dealing with stress was to stay numb to it. When we enter recovery our feelings defrost and suddenly we feel raw and everything can quickly get on top of us. We no longer have our addiction to run to so we are trapped. If the stress becomes too much some people deal with it the only way they know and they relapse back to addiction.

When we enter addiction we must find new ways of dealing with stress. Here are some of the things that have worked for me;
- Go for a walk; it is amazing how a bit of air and a change of scenery can make us feel better.
- Listen to your favorite music; simple but surprisingly useful.
- Exercise; fantastic way of clearing the mind
- Meditate; the path to stress free living.
- Talk to a friend about your problems.
- Write about how you feel; this has saved me from madness so many times.
- Try and do something for somebody else; the best way of escaping our problems.
- Watch a good film or play a computer game.
- Buy a punch bag and use it.

The main thing is that you don’t drink or use again. If you really feel like relapsing just wait for another 24 hours and see what happens.

2009-10-15T10:50:00.000+07:00

You will often hear it said that any drunk will need to hit rock-bottom before they will be able to recover from their addiction. This type of comment makes me uncomfortable, and for a long time this was my excuse for continued drinking. I developed the idea that the only way that my escape from addiction would be by reaching this mythical place. Even during two years sober during my twenties I continuously worried that maybe I hadn’t yet reached my bottom and was doomed to drink again; I did drink again but it is not my belief that this continued suffering and deterioration in my life was needed. It is my view that rock bottom is where you want to stop, and there is no special place in the suffering addict’s fall into misery that will make recovery any more special or likely to last. If you have enough then you have reached your rock bottom.

The problem with waiting for things to get bad enough to force you to quit is that this type of thinking can easily kill you. I almost destroyed my own liver while waiting for inspiration to arise. My final day of drinking was no worse than many of the other days that came before it; the only difference that day was that I had enough. I have no belief in the possibility that a few more weeks drinking would have made my current recovery any more special or strong; it would only have extended the suffering and considering how bad my health was at the time it could have been fatal.

If addiction is making your life miserable then just quit now. You don’t need to wait for any special day or for anything particularly bad to happen. You don’t have to lose your family, end up on the streets, or kill someone when drink-driving. When you want to stop you have already reached your rock bottom.

How to win against addiction

2009-10-06T08:39:00.000+07:00

Addiction made my life miserable for years; my alcoholism nearly killed me. In some ways I’m grateful because I wouldn’t be who I am today without that experience, but the sad truth is that many people never escape addiction; many die from it. Here are some tips to help you escape addiction.
1. Don’t believe that you have to reach some rock bottom before you can begin to escape addiction. This may often be true, but believing this way could cause you to put off getting help until it is too late. The best time for you to quit addiction is now; your rock bottom could be death.
2. Don’t believe that relapse is a normal part of recovery. People do escape addiction without any need for continued relapse. It is too easy to use this belief as a means to justify continued addiction. Don’t beat yourself up for having a relapse, but don’t try and fool yourself into believing that what you are doing is normal. Relapse isn’t normal; it is deadly.
3. If the only thing to change in your life is that you are no longer drinking or using then you are not likely to win against your addiction. Freedom from addiction doesn’t mean returning to your old life with the only difference being that you no longer party as hard; freedom from addiction should mean the start of a great new life. You don’t have to change everything over night; in fact this could be counterproductive, but you need to be willing to take your life in a new direction.
4. Tell everyone that you are going to stop your addiction. They may not believe you if you have made too many broken promises in the past, but this is more for your benefit than theirs. It is not enough to help you win against addiction by itself, but telling other people about your plan is one more thing to keep you going.
5. Take a few moments to mark the beginning of your quit. Do whatever you can to make it feel significant. It doesn’t matter what this is; it could be a few moments of silent reflection or praying to your God or gods; it doesn’t matter just make this feel significant.
6. Treat your withdrawals the same as you would any other illness. It will pass after a few days. If there is any risk that you could go into the DTs then you should seek medical assistance.
7. A mindfulness technique can be a great way of dealing with your drinking thoughts during your withdrawals and beyond. Observe your thoughts as the pass through your mind without identifying with them. Observe your mind saying I need to drink or I need to use, but don’t identify with as being you.
8. Read plenty of inspirational material about recovery. Use anything and everything that will encourage you to keep going; anything from the AA big book to whatever you can find on the internet – so long as it is positive about recovery.
9. Join a support group. These can really make the difference to your recovery, but many people do have successful recoveries without time - I did. The important thing not to dismiss anything. You need to be prepared to do whatever it takes to get sober or clean; this may mean joining a support group. If you have never belonged to one of these groups then I would strongly advise to at least give them a try.
10. Join an online recovery support community; these are a great way to share and get helpful advice about recovery from addiction.

How to strengthen your recovery from addiction

2009-09-28T06:25:00.001+07:00

1. Help other drunks or addicts. This is a great way to strengthen your own recovery from addiction. This is an important part of the Alcoholics Anonymous programme, but you don’t need to belong to AA in order to benefit from this activity. The help you offer drunks or addicts might be of the direct variety where you volunteer for an organisation which works with them. Another way that you can help is over the internet by joining an online recovery group where you can offer support to people struggling with their addiction. Just telling people how good life in recovery can be is a great way to help other drunks or addicts. This type of work can really boost our own recovery and remind us of where you have come from.

2. Get healthy. Feeling physically healthy is important in recovery because if our body feels good then our mind will feel good as well. A healthy body is confident and full of energy, and you will be unlikely to return to addiction while your body and mind is feeling so good.

3. Get spiritual. This does not have to involve believing in any bizarre notions, hugging trees, or joining any cultish group. Getting spiritual means getting more in touch with yourself; this could be through an exercise like tai-chi or yoga, or it might involve a more formal meditation practice. Going for long walks and observing the nature around us is another way for us to get spiritual.

4. Learning a new skill or starting a new activity. Keeping things fresh is a great way to strengthen our recovery from addiction; it has also been shown that it helps us live longer. We should always be willing to try new things, and experience all that a sober life can offer.

5. Think about others. As drunks on addicts we have spent much of our lives self-absorbed and living selfishly. Thinking about others and helping them will benefit us greatly.

A way to be

2009-09-20T15:22:00.000+07:00

For people who quit an addiction it seems important to have a new direction in life; a new path. At least that has been my experience anyway. If I had returned to my old way of doing things and the only thing that changed was the fact that I was sober then my recovery would have been doomed; this had been the cause of failure for all of my previous attempts at recovery. I had assumed that my life would just change if I remained sober, but there needs to be a bit more than this.

I had known intellectually the importance of doing things differently when sober, but it wasn’t until it was further explained to me by Phra Hans at Wat Thamkrabok that this information really hit me. This monk told me that the reason for my addiction was the fact that I had no direction so my life had no meaning; it was no wonder that I had fallen into the trap of abusing alcohol. When life has no real meaning why not just turn to any opportunity for comfort that life could throw at me. It was the lack of any real alternative that meant that I stuck with this flawed tool for coping with life long after it had stopped working; why I stuck with it even though it was killing me and making my life unbearable.

I finished my treatment at Wat Thamkrabok now convinced about the importance of finding a path. I sort of misunderstood things even then. I expected any path coming my way to be a bit grand; a spiritual journey that was going to take me to these amazing realisations. I sort of expected life to become full of magical signs and occurrence; all very grandiose and self-important. I was expecting something really special. I didn’t realise that the path was to be found in the simple; I failed to understand that the important thing was to be on a path and that there was no real importance as to the final goal or speed that I would be travelling. If I am on a journey then there will be things to discover; if I dedicate myself to a direction in life then there will be meaning and rewards.

It is my conviction that the meaning of life is to find something that gives us pleasure and just dedicating ourselves to whatever this is. This could be something like Tai Chi or even stamp collecting, the important thing is that it is something that we can devote ourselves to with at least half the enthusiasm that we had for our previous addiction. Of course we should not allow it to interfere with our ability to fulfil our social and family obligations. This new activity doesn’t have to have any grand meaning either, and it doesn’t have to be complicated, so long as it is not a negative goal or something that involves hurting other people . There is a saying that all paths lead to the Buddha; I am not clever enough to know if this is true or if it is important. I do know that simply finding something we enjoy and devoting ourselves to it can teach us all that we need to know, and take us where we need to be. This path can steer us away from addiction, and leave us feeling that the pleasures we once found in drugs or booze are very shallow indeed.

Homeless drunks in Thailand

2009-09-13T16:10:00.001+07:00

Westerners ending up homeless on the streets of Thailand probably sounds a bit absurd. After all, Thailand has a lot of poverty of its own so how could someone from the rich west end up begging on the streets of Bangkok or one of the other Thai cities. The sad thing is that it does happen and the usual cause is addiction.

There can be an extremely negative view of these homeless people among the ex-pat community in Thailand. There seems to be a rush to dehumanise these people and see them as completely at fault for their predicament. The logic is that people like this should not be allowed to enter the country in the first place. Thai people appear far more understanding, but have too many of their own worthy cases that require their attention.

I was never homeless in Thailand, but I did end up on the streets in my twenties. Alcohol completely destroyed my ability to function rationally or effectively. The only choice for me was the streets. Of course I am responsible for being a drunk, but there was no way in my wildest dreams that I ever thought that things would get that bad. I imagine that similar factors happen to those westerners ending up on the streets of Thailand; it has all just become too much.

I am sure that those who end up begging in Thailand did not arrive here in such a state. Alcoholics can sometimes achieve a lot of control over their lives and as far as they or anyone else is concerned they are fairly well-adjusted. Most western visitors to Thailand end up in one of the big-drinking areas where all inhibitions go out the window. Places like Pattaya in Thailand can be a drinker’s heaven, but it can easily turn into their hell. All the relatively cheap alcohol with the almost constant party atmosphere combined with the feeling of being away from any type of supervision or constrains can be a recipe for disaster. Any control that a functional alcoholic might demonstrate in his home country is difficult to maintain while in such an environment. It is no wonder that some people lose the plot.

I would never look down on any person who hit rock-bottom while in Thailand. I would do whatever I could to help them. They may have fallen quite low, but this does not mean that they are low people.

Why do so many people dislike AA?

2009-09-06T12:40:00.000+07:00

There seems to be quite a lot of anti-AA feeling within the recovery world these days. There appears to be many people who would go so far as to say they hate AA. It is bit sad really; why has things ended up this way? It reminds me of the old advertisements for ‘Marmite spread’; you either love it or you hate it.

I was previously a member of AA. I first started attending in my teens and once managed to go to a meeting every day for two years. There were times that I disliked the organisation, but it never reached the stage where I started to hate AA. I could see that it does work for some people; a lot of reformed drunks would likely be dead if it wasn’t for this twelve step programme.

I think though, that AA has been a victim of its own success. It is surely the most well-know treatment option and in some countries it seems to be the only alternative offered by the medical establishment. I remember the first treatment centre that I ended up in insisted that we attend the meetings during our stay. It was due to this that I had a bit of resentment towards the group in my younger years.

I think another reason why people hate AA is that some member of these groups are quite loud in their opinion that the meetings are the only solution for drunks. They seem to be against any type of further research into addiction and believe that AA should be the only option on the table. If you say that you are doing fine without the meetings they will either accuse you of being a ‘dry-drunk’ on the verge of drinking again or that you never were an alcoholic to begin with. This sort of closed-minded attitude puts people off.

Despite all its flaws though, I believe that the twelve-steppers offer a real treatment option for drunks. They can provide a lot more than just a way of staying off the drink; some people really blossom in the programme and go on to live fantastic lives that benefit themselves and everyone around them. Those of us who do not belong to AA can likewise live amazingly happy and productive lives even without the programme. It doesn’t have to be that one way is right and the other wrong.

Can drunks ever drink socially again?

2009-08-29T15:18:00.001+07:00

“Can I ever drink socially again?” is a question you often here asked from newly recovered drunks. It is also something that people might ask even after years being sober. This is a dangerous line of thinking that has been the cause of much suffering for many of us. In my twenties I picked up alcohol again after two years sobriety because I allowed this question to make itself comfortable in my mind. I began to wonder if it would be possible for me to go and drink like a so called normal person.

The answer for me at least is that I can never drink socially again. I didn’t drink socially to begin with anyway. I just never saw the point in a beer now and again to be social. From my early teens the point of alcohol was to change the way I felt, and the more that I was able to consume the greater the effect. Drinking like a normal person or drinking socially just had no appeal to me. It still doesn’t.

I often hear about groups like moderation management that teach former drunks to drink socially again. These groups seem completely pointless to me, but maybe they work for some people. Why would I want to go back and do something that was once responsible for making my life so miserable? It is not like I’m missing out on much now is it? If drink isn’t going to allow me to completely numb my mind then it doesn’t seem to have much going for it.

I prefer the life of complete abstinence because I know that there is not one tiny bit of enjoyment left in alcohol for me. I made sure of that, because I drank enough for twenty lifetimes. It has been since walking away completely from alcohol that my life has been enjoyable. Even during the best days of my addiction there were never days like the ones I currently now regularly experience. Why would I even consider touching alcohol again? Why would any drunk? For me trying to drink like a normal person would be as silly as trying to avoid bruises like a lucky jay-walker – why would I want to take the risk of jay-walking?

The benefit of helping other addicts

2009-08-22T12:21:00.001+07:00

Somebody recently asked me why I still think about my recovery from addiction? Why do I still write about it? This is a fair enough question. After all, I don’t belong to any recovery group exactly because of this reason; I don’t want to be constantly thinking about my previous problems. In fact for my first year away from alcohol I avoided anything even connected to the topic. For the last couple of years though, I have spent a bit of time thinking about my former addiction. Why is that?

I now like to stay involved with those involved with addiction problems for two main reason; the first is that I do believe that if we forget the mistakes of the past we are sure to repeat them, and secondly because there is just so much joy to be found in helping other people.

I had a book published a couple of years ago. It was a memoir about my former addiction. Of course it was a great joy to have something I wrote published, and I still get a thrill when I see my book in shops. The greatest reward though, has been when people contacted me to say that my book helped them in some way. Some have even claimed that it convinced them to get help for their addiction.

During the last days of my addiction I spent most of it drunk and wishing that I wasn’t. Most evenings were spent searching the internet for anything that would help me. I felt desperate, but found surprisingly little that worked for me. There were some great sites out there, but just not for me. It wasn’t until I found a web-site dedicated to the treatment of addicts here in Thailand that I got anything that really appealed to me. Maybe something I have to say will work for somebody else. If not, no problem because it doesn’t cost me much; I enjoy pottering around on the computer anyway.

I don’t try to help others because I see myself as some type of Mother Theresa type. I don’t. I learnt years ago that anyone trying to help other people usually benefits from it far more than the person they are helping. Maintaining contact with addicts also reminds me of where I have come from and what would happen if I were ever to go back.

I spent two decades in the midst of addiction. This time does not need to have been wasted if I can use the knowledge learnt from it to help other people.

Slowly does it

2009-08-15T18:56:00.004+07:00

It can sometimes feel that I have stopped making progress in my recovery from addiction. It can occasionally even feel like there has been a big step backwards, and I’m behaving in a manner that seems frighteningly similar to how I once acted as a drunk. It is easy during these times to feel negative and wonder where I have gone wrong. When this happens I find it useful to remember exactly where I have come from. It seems likely that when any recovering drunk or druggy compares where they are now to how it was during the height of their addiction they are sure to feel a lot more positive about things currently; it is usually true for me anyway.

It is strange the way that we go from having such low expectations of ourselves in the midst of our addiction to expecting that we should be now flawless and always positive. That is just not the way it works. Entering recovery is not the end of the journey, but only the start. Previously I had been going around in ever decreasing circles with no hope of ever arriving at anywhere that I might want to be, but now that I am on the correct path, but have to travel a while before I reach my destination. As someone once told me, it doesn’t matter how fast we are going; the main thing is that we are going in the right direction.

Progress tends to only become noticeable over a period of time. The dramatic changes that occur during the early days of recovery from addiction occur less frequently. It is only by looking back on how I was a few months ago that I can say, yes I am now able to deal with this or that better than in the past. Sometimes the greatest progress seems to occur during periods where I have felt that I was going backwards. Some people compare this going backwards as preparing ourselves for a sprint forward.

How to deal with the bad times in sobriety.

2009-08-08T16:10:00.000+07:00

Just because we get sober it doesn’t mean that we will be exempt from bad things happening in life. Nobody gets a free ride it seems. The great news is the fact that we are sober means that we can deal with bad times far more effectively, and won’t be adding to the problem by drowning our sorrows. My life has been going well recently, but I know that there will likely be bad times in the future. Unlike my life previously though, I don’t allow this possibility of future pain to stop me from fully enjoying my current happiness.

While my life has been going well, I have been recently talking to people who aren’t having such an easy time of it. It has made me thing about the whole experience of bad times and why they happen. Since getting sober I have noticed that following each of these episodes of a rough patch that my life has had something really positive enter it afterwards. On each of these occasions the good that came afterwards was actually far more significant than the bad that came before. I remember someone once telling me that sometimes when we are going backwards it is to allow us to sprint forward and this definitely has been my experience with the whole thing.

So these bad times seem to be similar to the common cold that makes its rounds each year. We will pick these bugs up, but the best thing to do is get on with things as best we can until we shake it off.

The greatest gift of sobriety - my son

2009-08-02T10:34:00.001+07:00

I drank away my late teens and continued into my twenties and wasted over half my thirties on my destructive obsession. During this time all that was really important much of the time was feeding my addiction. People who came in contact with me rarely benefited from my arrival into their lives; many people suffered because of it. I was just too selfish and self-absorbed to be of any use to anybody really. I had given up any dream of starting a family early on in my drinking career; I saw it as a sad but necessary sacrifice.

Yet, here I am about to celebrate my son’s second birthday. My little boy is getting bigger and bigger. I am in the peculiar position of wanting to watch him grow, but wanting to freeze every precious second that we spend together. It is all happening so fast. People said it would, and I thought that I knew what they meant; I didn’t. He is growing right in front of my eyes and every day I notice changes. He is not the same boy he was last month.

I am my son’s world and he is mine; at least for the moment. He is continuing to grow though, and one day he will discover that he doesn’t need me as much as he does now. He will realise that I’m not perfect. That is probably the fear of all fathers. The fear that our child will one day not need us quite as much as they do now.

This time next year my son will have changed all over again; the boy he is now will have disappeared. Maybe his current Thomas the Tank Engine obsession will be replaced by something new. One day he won’t need me to set up his train track and read him bedtime stories about the Island of Sodor and the naughty trains. One day he won’t scream with excitement when one of these imaginary trains come of the rails and the fat controller gets angry. One day he will realise that trains are just trains. One day I will be left wishing that we could go back to these simple times.

My son makes me feel a bit unworthy sometimes. Why should somebody who wasted so much of their life deserve to be a father to such a special boy? I can’t answer that. All I know is that my son is my life and for the moment I am his.

The death of Phra Hans

2009-07-25T13:39:00.001+07:00

It is hard not to marvel at the way life can sometimes help us out by putting the exact person we need to meet onto our path. These guides appear in our lives when we are most desperate and in need of help. A more spiritual person might view these helpers as guardian angels, but many of us are far too cynical to believe in such things. We just put it all down to a quirk of life; that when we are ready the teacher appears. This is how I met Phra Hans.

I had made a complete mess things; I truly had. I was in such a desperate state when this kindly monk came into my life. I had been battling with addiction for twenty years and was losing badly. My life had become unbearable and the part of my mind that had given up hope of recovery just wanted it all to end quickly. I had only the tinniest flicker of hope left inside, and it was this that brought me to the gates of a temple in Thailand called Wat Thamkrabok. It was here that I met the Swiss monk.

The first day speaking to him wasn’t under ideal circumstances. I was sitting in a hard plastic chair shaking because of alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I hadn’t drunk anything that day; I had wanted to but my body just vomited everything back up. Despite not drinking though, I still stunk of booze; a horrible stale stench of alcohol that was seeping through my pores. I felt like a worthless piece of shit just sitting there.

Phra Hans just looked so healthy and serene that it briefly made me feel even more ashamed. But he didn’t show any signs of repulsion with me, as he sat there and patiently listened to my story. He didn’t interrupt once and this came as such a relief after meeting so many people who wanted to give me the answers before hearing my question. He put me at ease. The Swiss monk didn’t seem one bit surprised by anything that I said and didn’t show any signs of judging.

After I finished speaking he was silent for a few seconds before sharing his thoughts with me. He explained how it was his view that addiction was a tool that many of us use to cope with life. This tool though, is not as shiny and good as it first appears. It comes with a sting. The tool is causing us more pain then what we were trying to fix with it. Our addiction must be abandoned because it is now useless to us. There is good news. If we stop our addiction our path in life will find us; this is a reward for beating addiction. It was losing this path which led to our addiction in the first place.

That day in the office with Phra Hans I heard answers that had alluded me for decades. Although my withdrawals from addiction were making it difficult to concentrate, I could easily see that what he said was correct. Over the next couple of weeks at the temple my mind cleared and further chats with Phra Hans cleared things up even further.

I would see Phra Hans occasionally after this. I would drop by the temple and have a quick chat with him. Every time I would be rushing and not taking the time to really talk. I returned to the temple a few weeks ago with my family to celebrate three years sober. I missed Phra Hans that time altogether. I was told that he was sick, but my obsession with my busy life meant that I didn’t go to see him. Of course, I promised myself that next time I would spend a bit of time with him. I wasn’t to know that there wasn’t going to be a next time.

Phra Hans died a couple of days later. I felt sad, and it became tempting to try an turn him into a saint. I didn’t really know him enough for this. He struck me as a humble man. All I know is that he had a bigger impact on my life than people who I’ve known for years. I feel sure that whatever good karma he planted in this life will reward him. This is the Thai way; you don’t thank people too much because you know that their good work will bring them great benefit.

Fitness and recovery

2009-07-20T21:08:00.000+07:00

When I entered recovery after years of alcohol addiction my body was in pretty bad shape. My liver was screaming blue murder, and my the rest of me was so familiar with feeling ill that I had forgotten what it felt like to be healthy. For the best part of two decades I felt sick most of the time and didn’t even know it. It wasn’t until I had a break from alcohol that it was possible for me to appreciate what healthy meant; it came as a wonderful surprise.

Two years into my recovery from addiction I made a few discoveries. Although I was no longer drinking alcohol, and my body was feeling a lot better, it soon became obvious that there was more work to be done. I had started piling on a lot of weight, and the fact that I had a small frame made this extra weight seem far from flattering. I reached 85 kg. I might have got away with this if I lived back in Europe where baggy clothes can hide a lot of fat, but living in a hot country like Thailand meant hiding my belly would involve dying from heat stroke. The fact that I was also surrounded by Thai people who tend to be small worked to make me feel even more of a fatty.

As well as feeling a bit self-conscious about my extra weight there was also the problem of my unhealthy diet causing me feel sluggish much of the time. When my son was born I struggled to keep up with him and realised that something would have to change. I decided that I didn’t get sober to feel bad. Becoming overweight was one thing, but not being able to play for long periods with my son really got to me. I imagined what it would be like in another decade when I’m in my fifties. No, action would need to be taken and taken right away.

Last year I made the wise move of buying a game called Wii Fit for my Nintendo. This introduced me back into fitness. I was soon able to exercise for half an hour a day and this increased to nearly an hour on some days. My energy levels quickly came back. I also changed my diet to a vegetarian one and this also improved the way my body felt. The weight quickly fell away and I am now 70 kg and seem to have no problem maintaining this weight.

I have also found my way back into martial arts. These have always held a great attraction for me. It was actually my move away from martial arts in my teens which signalled my move into addiction. I now practice Tai Chi every day; as well as working out in the more energetic martial arts. This is working to keep me feeling physically fit and maintain my interest in keeping healthy.

Now fitness is an important part of my ongoing recovery from addiction. I do something every day and like the way my body has a much younger feel to it. I would hate to go back to the way things were before. Life is too good. I don’t see exercise as a chore, but something to look forward to; a welcome break. Pumping up a sweat can really provide a good feeling.

Three years today

2009-06-27T20:03:00.003+07:00

It was three years ago on this date that I arrived in Wat Thamkrabok a desperate and hopeless man. This is no exaggeration; I really was on my last legs and I swore to myself that I would do anything that the monks told me if it would help me escape my misery. Luckily, they didn't ask anything too unreasonable and my life has been wonderful since then.

I visited the temple today. I took my wife and my son to meet the people who gave me back a life. I doubt my almost two-year old son would be here if it were not for the temple; he has been the greatest gift in my sobriety.

I brought my family to the temple in our brand new car; when I went there three years ago it was on a motorbike which was fallen apart. So many great gifts have been given to me these last three years. Things have happened in my life which are beyond my wildest dreams.

It was so nice being back in the temple today. There were other visitors who I had previously only known as names on internet forums. We had a great little talk about the miracle of the sober and clean life. We discussed our continued gratitude to the temple.

The extremely sad news, though, is that the monk who had been so important to my recovery is very unwell. It was his words that I clung to during my time at the temple. It is his words that I still refer to today. I can only hope that he manages his illness with the same wisdom and inner-strength which he has given to other people. It is easy to feel a bit cheated by this news. Why should somebody who has been such a help to others need to go through any suffering? On the other hand, though, he is waking his path, and it will take him where he needs to be - he told me that.

My life as a Thai teacher

2009-06-24T20:09:00.000+07:00

Please don't forget to check out my teaching blog on;

http://mylifeasateacherinthailand.blogspot.com/

Irish Website for Wat Thamkrabok

2009-06-07T18:50:00.003+07:00

There have been a few concerns raised about this organisation so I've removed the link for now.

New Dawn - taken off the blog for now

2009-06-07T18:48:00.002+07:00

I have decided to remove the excerpts of my book 'New Dawn' for now. It still needs quite a bit of work, but I just don't have the time these days. The good news is that I will have a new book released some time next year. I will provide more information nearer the time.

New blog

2008-12-16T06:46:00.000+07:00

I have added a new blog about my life as a teacher in Thailand. You can find a link on the right hand side of the page. I will continue to print some chapters from New Dawn. I would love to hear any comments about this story. I plan to return to more addiction related topics in a few weeks.

I have just completed a second book about my struggle with alcohol. This story follows my life after leaving Wat Thamkrabok. It may take a while for this book to reach print, but hopefully it will eventually be released somewhere.

Review of Last Escape by Critical Mick

2008-10-26T14:08:00.000+07:00

Not only was Mick Halpin kind enough to publish an interview with me on his website, but he has also provided a review of my book which you can read here;
http://www.criticalmick.com/criticalmick_last_escape.htm

Interview with Critical Mick

2008-10-18T16:43:00.000+07:00

Critical Mick (Mick Halpin) is a well known critic who is based in Ireland. He has appeared on 'The Writing Show' on quite a few occasions and he recently interviewed me about my book 'Last Escape'. You can check out the interview at the following link;

http://www.criticalmick.com/criticalmick_garrigan_interview.htm

Letting go

2008-07-14T05:59:00.000+07:00

This is something that I have been thinking a lot about recently. I have discovered that the more I trust life the easier it becomes. If I just let go and trust that my path will take me where it is that I need to go then it is like a whole weight has been taking off my shoulders.

I first heard about this idea from two sources; Buddhism and Alcoholics Anonymous. In AA they talk about acceptance of life and that things are exactly the way they should be at this moment. This idea is frequently repeated in Buddhism. We need to accept the world as it is if we want any peace.

This doesn't mean that we let go of everything but more that we deal with life in a less rigid manner. All we must deal with is what is in front of us. Of course terrible things happen around the world but we must be realistic about how we can affect these. The world has been the way it is long before we were born and will likely continue to be this way long after we leave. Sometimes the best we can do is just not add to the problem. I truly believe if everyone just tried to fix themselves there would be no need for social activism. When we fix ourselves we are automatically of more use to other people.

I think that this is the real message to be found in Buddhism and other spiritual paths. We need to accept life and let go of the idea that we need to change it. When we stop fighting life we will find that we are at peace with it. Life can take care of us if we let it.

Building a house

2008-06-29T13:21:00.000+07:00

We decided that the time was now right to think about building our own house. I was delighted to hear that Oa's family were willing to give us some land in the village on which to build one. We had looked at land before which we might buy, but for one reason or another I decided against - the usual reason being that I just couldn't afford it. I was also put off by the fact that it was not possible for a foreigner like myself to own land. It would need to be in Oa's name The land was unbelievably cheap, compared to prices back in Europe, but I didn't know how much longer we would be staying in the village. I needed to get work eventually and this would entail moving to a city. I didn't have the money to be buying land and building a house that we wouldn't be living in - even if it was really cheap. A house was another commitment that I was reluctant to make.

With the land donated by Oa's family there was nothing really stopping us from building our own house. It would be a great investment. I could easily see that. Even if we didn't live in it full time it would be nice to have our own place to go to on spare weekends. Renting in the village wasn't the same as owning a house. We knew that the owner could decide that he wanted to give the house to one of his family at any time. There was also the problem that the house didn't seem a particularly safe face in which to raise a child. The electrics were far too dangerous for a toddler exploring the house. I had received an electric shock on a few occasions. At least if we built our own home we could ensure that it was safe.

We arranged to have the land cleared. Oa's family's old house was still on the land so we needed to have it taken down. I am not very good at manual labour. I'm too lazy - although I tell myself that I'm more of a thinker. I also found working in the Thai heat to be too draining. I used the excuse of my degree coursework for my inability to help out much on the land. I was happy to pay somebody else to do it though. I did help out on a couple of occasions, but Oa made fun of the fact that I would give up after an hour.

One of the problems with the land was that it was very prone to flooding. We would need to do something about this before we started to build anything. Oa informed me that we would need to raise the land and build a wall to protect us from the waters during the rainy season. We had a river running about 20 meters from the back of the house. When the rains came this river would sometimes reach the road at the front of the land. Oa would sometimes comment on her failure to understand why her father had bought such land.

Oa told me the story of how her family came by their land, and I found it really interesting how simple things could be in Thailand. A few decades ago the people of Thailand could get land by clearing the jungle and just claiming it. I would have thought that this would mean the jungle would be cleared in no time and all the land claimed. This is not what happened. The Thai people are frightened by ghosts and for a lot of them this fear has a great impact on their lives. In the past they would fear cutting down the jungle because they believed the ghosts who lived there would be upset. They wouldn't dare risk offending the ghosts.

Before cutting down a tree in Thailand it is customary to ask permission of the guardian who lives in the tree. In order to do this they leave an axe lying against the tree over night. If the axe is still upright in the morning, permission has been granted. This complete belief in ghosts is what stopped people from knocking down trees and claiming all the land in the jungle. I sometimes think that the land Oa's father claimed was without the permission of the tree guardian as it spends three months of the year under water.

Another area of Thai life where ghosts are taken into consideration is the home. Every house is believed to contain not only the living family members but also dead relatives and other hanger-ons;that is unless you provide for them their own accommodations. This is why most houses will have a spirit-house where they can stay. These houses are very small (more like hen houses) but extensions needed to be added if you put an extension on the main house; you don't want dead relatives feeling left out as this can lead to all sorts of problems. Families also make daily offerings of food and drinks and leave them on the spirit house.

Oa's dad is actually a maw pii, or spirit doctor, and makes a bit of money from it. His services are often required when villagers want to make offerings to the departed and need him to communicate with the ghosts. They villagers often reward him with bottles of rice whiskey for his services.

Oa's dad is actually quite a fan of the whiskey. I remember a couple of years back we went to some party in another village. He was completely wasted and fell off his motorbike on the way home. I took him to the local clinic where he informed them that a ghost pushed him off the bike. I was amazed to find that they believed him.

The wearing of amulets in Thailand is big business with some fetching as much as a million euros These amulets are believed to protect from ghosts, bring good luck and even stop bullets.

Although the Buddha is believed to have acknowledged the existence of ghosts who lived in different realms, the Thai obsession with ghosts is not really connected to Buddhism, but more to do with their older religion animism. Historically the monks used the Thai fear of ghosts to help teach them Dhamma (Buddhist beliefs), they would demonstrate the strength of the Buddha's teachings by sleeping alone in burial sites or in the jungle. They would also provide the locals with blessings and amulets to protect them.

After living in Thailand a while I have learned to respect their belief in ghosts but wouldn't go as far to say I completely believe in them myself. I remember years ago reading a book called 'Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance'. I can't recall much of the book but one thing I do remember is the authors claim that ghosts exist if people believe in them.

Visit to Chiang Mai

2008-05-17T08:23:00.000+07:00

My visa wasn’t due to finish for almost a month, but I decided to pay a visit to immigration anyway and get a month extension out of the way. This would mean that I would have nearly two months before needing to make the trip again. I was looking for an excuse to go to Chiang Mai anyway, and this seemed like the ideal reason. I really enjoyed my trips to this capital of the North of Thailand, and It was in that the city where I had first met Oa and had previously attended a meditation retreat at Wat Rampoeng. It was my type of place with plenty of bookstores. I tended to visit there every couple of months.

Oa decided that she didn’t want to go with me so this meant that I could make the 350KM journey by motorbike. I would enjoy being back out on the road again. These long journeys felt like a great way of catching up with myself. There was less distractions on the road, than my life in general, so it gave me plenty of time to think.

I had made the trip to Chiang Mai, by motorbike, on a number of times so felt fairly familiar with the journey . It was relatively straight forward. I started off from Chat Trakan and made my way by the back roads to Uttaridit where I would join the main road. I always needed to be cautious on these back roads because there would frequently be dogs, chickens and snakes wandering into the middle of the road. There was carrion everywhere on the roads from collisions with cars, but I knew that if my bike was to hit them it would also be me lying on the road. It was something that I tried not to think about too much as it really scared me. Another danger on these back roads was frequent potholes which could sometimes come upon me unexpectedly. Despite all the dangers I still loved riding the bike.

After Uttaridit the road climbs up into the hills near Den Chai. The journey slows down here as the roads become very steep as they curvedaround the hills. As usual I found myself stuck behind a convoy of trucks which crawled in front of me. It could be difficult to get past these huge beasts as the winding road would make it almost impossible to see in front of me. Still the slow progress allowed me to appreciate the scenery around me which was stunning. The fact that we were so high meant that we could see for miles into beautiful valleys below.

After Den Chai I changed road and made my way to Lampang. This was where Flower and her aunty Nit, from Wat Thamkrabok, lived. I could picture her chubby happy face. I wondered how she was doing now. Had she left the world of yaa baa and opium addiction behind her? She seemed positive back in the temple about her future. She had a child to look after. I hoped that she hadn’t fallen back in with her previous drug buddies. Staying clean and sober could be especially difficult when you were surrounded by familiar temptation. Her aunty had said that she wouldn’t be returning to Lampang after the temple because she had friends in Pattaya she wanted to stay with. As I passed through the city I kept my eye out for Flower; realising that the chances of bumping into her were slim to none. As I left Lampang behind me I mentally sent her my good wishes.

As someone who has just escaped from an addiction I know that the statistics are stacked against me. Relapse is common and many would argue that you are never truly free from their addictive past. It will always be in the background waiting for a chance to strike. It’s depressing to think about it really. All the progress and good things in my life could be whipped away again, and I could be back to the wreck of a man that I was before entering the temple. I don’t even like to consider that option. I put my faith in the fact that my addiction is cured. I might still get the occasional drinking thought. This is natural, especially as there is constant reminders everywhere. The main thing is that I won’t let myself forget the misery of a return to alcohol.

I think that this is one way that giving up alcohol is harder than other addictions. It is so much part of society, especially in the west. You don’t need to spend much time watching television there before you will see scenes of people partying or enjoying a well earned drink. This is less true in Thai media, but it still occurs. I have never seen the same positive images used with other drugs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about this, and I’m not about to launch into a tirade about the evil drinks industry, and how they have brainwashed everyone. That is not really my concern and well beyond my ability to change. I don’t want to change the world so much as improve my ability to live in it and maybe help others along the way if I can. My point though is that there is a lot of positive reinforcement in the use of alcohol out there. The same could probably have been said about cigarettes years ago. Now alcohol is still promoted as something used to celebrate with, to relax after a hard days work, to drown sorrows and to act as a social lubricant.

When I tell people that I don’t smoke there is rarely an eyebrow raised and you don’t really get people asking for a reason why you don’t do it. Not smoking isn’t seen as odd behaviour, at least not these days. When you tell people you don’t drink you do get a different response though. Many people do want to know why and some can be very persistent in their questioning. I know that when I was younger I always thought that anybody who didn’t drink was either somebody who ‘found God’ or somebody who couldn’t because they were on the wagon.

When asked ‘why don’t you drink ?’ it put me in a position of either trying to brush off the question or telling them my life story. Do I need to tell everyone that I’m a reformed drunk who now needs to avoid the stuff like the plague, or do I just say I don’t like to drink. I suppose both answers are fine and in many situations I would opt for answer two. There are some persistent questioners though for who this answer isn’t enough. They want more information. Many of these people probably have drink problems themselves, as their persistence in questioning along this line proves an obsession of sorts. If I think that it will help them I might tell them a bit about my history. Other times I might just say that I like to meditate and drinking interferes with my ability to this. They might see me as a bit of an odd-ball for this answer but it often stops the questioning and it is true in a way.

There is constant reminders of alcohol in the world around me, but surprisingly I do get days go by without even a thought of alcohol. These reminders will always be there, but I feel sure that as times moves on they will mean even less. I have been lucky enough to meet people with many years of sobriety so I do know that it is a possible achievement.

Blood test results

2008-04-22T11:09:00.000+07:00

Writing a blog can be a lonely business. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks

On our first night in Pattaya we passed a clinic that offered blood tests. The last time my liver was checked, four years previously, the test showed that my liver was being damaged by my excessive alcohol intake. I had elevated LFTs. I had no idea where things stood now.

There had been a bit of mild abdominal pain recently but nowhere near as bad as when I drank. I knew that a lot of this pain could be due to other factors, but I still really worried about my liver. Here was a chance to face my fears. I made a pledge to myself that whatever the outcome I would not drink again. I now enjoyed my life and even if it turned out that my life expectancy had been reduced, due to my previous addiction, I wanted to spend whatever time was left sober. I went into the clinic to take the test.

While I was having my liver function tested I decided to also have the full range of blood tests including my cholesterol, which hadn’t been checked in years. The process only took a few minutes to complete and was less than a thousand bath. The told me that the results would be back in two days. I thought this a great service. I left the clinic pleased that I had taking some action to check on my health but also nervous about the possible results. I decided to try and not dwell on it too much.

Oa started complaining that she was hungry and so obtaining food became the next priority. The Thai restaurant we selected wasn’t very fancy, but the crowds of Thais eating there suggested that the food must be tasty. I missed Thai food while back in Ireland; where I found the food to be very bland. It’s strange, I would miss western food when I went a while without it but would be disappointed with its blandness when I would eat it again. The only exception to this would be bacon which always tastes delicious.

We ordered four dishes; som tam, deep fried beef, spicy pork salad and fish in lemon sauce. I hadn’t eating spicy food in Ireland so my tongue was out of practice. Luckily the meal came with raw vegetables which I was able to stick in my mouth to remove some of the heat. Oa is quite tiny, but she loves her food. She also swears by the Thai saying;’ mai pet, mai aroy’ which means if it is not spicy hot it’s not tasty. We were unable to finish all the meal, as there was so much food, but I felt pleasantly full.

We walked back to the hotel room. The bars were jammed packed by this time with evidence of drunkeness everywhere. To my sober mind this scene no longer looked exciting but seemed threatening. Many of the people seemed out of control, and I spotted a few who looked miserable despite the festive atmosphere. I didn’t envy them their partying any longer and felt relieved to be going back to my room sober to enjoy the rest of the evening. Along the way we bought some fruit to eat back in the hotel in case our hunger returned. Thailand has a fantastic selection of fruit which varies throughout the year. When back in Ireland the fruit seem a bit limited in comparison. I wasn’t back in the hotel room long before falling asleep.

I woke up around midnight. Jet lag was having its affect. The partying could still be heard outside, and I knew that it would continue until almost sunrise. Unlike the first time I came to Thailand there now existed a closing time for bars at about two o’clock. This ban didn’t seemed to be enforced much of the time. It was still possible to get drunk at anytime in Thailand, especially in Pattaya.

We decided to move to a nicer hotel the next morning. I wanted somewhere with a swimming pool. We rented a motorbike and took a ride out to South Pattaya. We looked at a few places but in the end settled for a resort where we had stayed twice before called East-sea resort. We had enjoyed staying there previously; although for me a lot of the attraction had been alcohol related. It had the choice of at least three different swimming pools and wi-fi was available for my laptop. Our present hotel also advertises itself as having wi-fi, but they forgot to mention, on their website, that they charged for this service, and it was far from cheap.

We got a taxi and brought our stuff to the new hotel room. I wasted no time before having a dip in the pool . I swam around for a short while, but as usual became bored after a few minutes. Oa joined me and we played around in the water for a while. I had enough and decided to go read my book. Oa was irritated with me because she wanted to stay in longer and didn’t want to stay alone; after all it had been my idea to get a more expensive hotel, because I wanted a pool. I laughed off her annoyance.

The rooms in East-Sea were of the bungalow variety and each had a little balcony where we could sit. I brought out a book and my new laptop and checked out the wi-fi. It worked all right but seemed a bit slow. I had been eager to use the internet since my arrival back in Thailand, but now that I was back online I couldn’t think of any sites I wanted to visit. I opened my book instead. Oa had enough of the sun and as usual became terrified that it might make her skin darker so returned to the room for a nap, We spent the rest of the day just lazing about with the occasional dip in the pool. In the evening we dined locally.

The next afternoon we decided to do something different. I had noticed people and jet skies earlier in the day. This was something I had never tried before and my sober mind felt more adventurous than my drunken one had been. We rented a jet ski from the beach in Central Pattaya.

I started off slowly as I had heard that these machines could be dangerous. It didn’t take me long to get my confidence though, and I was soon speeding along and trying to scare Oa. The weather was boiling hot so the water seemed very inviting. Oa roared out screams of laughter and terror. We took turns riding the jet ski for an hour. When Oa was in charge the ride became much slower and less bumpy. We finished the ride with our spirits high, and I was once again thankful for being sober and able to enjoy life. I had seen these jet skies for rent many times over the years, but never considered using them. I was only ever concerned with the bars.

Later that evening we returned to the clinic to get the results of my blood test. Despite my best efforts it had been playing on my mind, and I felt very nervous as we approached the receptionist. What if my liver was damaged beyond repair? She handed me my results in a white envelope. My hands shook as I opened it.

My Liver Function Test was normal - what a relief. This didn’t prove that my liver hadn’t been damaged, but it was certainly a good sign. I once again silently gave thanks to Wat Thamkrabok for getting me sober, and for providing the medicine, which I believed, had helped heal my liver. As a bonus bit of good news, all my other blood results were normal too.

We stayed in Pattaya for a further two days. This felt about enough time for enjoying the local attractions. We had visited a couple of temples, browsed through many markets and eating in a few nice restaurants. We took the night bus back to Phitsanulok where we were lucky enough to arrive in time to meet another a bus to take us to Chat Trakan. I was really looking forward to seeing our dog Cola again after our two month separation.

Sobriety means I can cope with hard times

2008-03-24T06:44:00.001+07:00

The last few days have been very difficult for me. Our young son has been sick and he needed to be taken into hospital. He developed a high fever three nights ago and due to this he had a seizure. I was away at the time as I needed to go to Burma for an extension to my Thai visa. I was unable to get back until the next day.

When I got back it was a huge shock to see how sick Timmy looked. He was in the middle of a high fever and his face was all puffy and he his eyes were open but he was so quite. It almost tore me apart to see him this way. The hospital was unable to find any reason for his symptoms. I was amazed to find that they hadn’t even taken any bloods yet. They wanted to wait and see it the fever would resolve itself.

Our local hospital is very basic. Timmy was born there seven months ago and they did a great job, but I wasn’t sure they were the best place for him this time. I wanted to move him to the city and to a private hospital. The problem was that it was two hours away by car and I was worried that he might have a seizure again while we were far away from a hospital. In the end we waited until his temperature was falling and moved him.

The local hospital wanted us to wait until the doctor arrived in the hospital, but they couldn’t tell us when this would be. I wasn’t prepared to wait around for a few more hours for a doctor’s letter that wouldn’t say much. I though it prudent that we move Timmy while he was having a break in his fever.

In the private hospital they immediately took bloods and performed other tests to try and find a cause for his symptoms. They still can’t find anything but at least they are looking. Timmy seems to be improving and was fever free for most of the night. It looks like he is on the mend.

The last few days have been hard, but I could cope. I think back to my drinking days and can see how it would have been a different story then. I would have been overwhelmed and turned to alcohol to escape to pain. Instead of being able to be there for my wife and son, I would have been an added burden. I would have made the situation worse. I am grateful that this is not the case today.

New Beginnings

2008-03-02T09:22:00.000+07:00

My life is now going through another period of change. I will be leaving the Thai village, where I have lived for over three and a half years, to move to a city 370 kilometers away. The move is necessary because I need to start back in full-time teaching, and there is nothing suitable in the local area - where we now live is very rural.

The city that we are moving to is called Lopburi. I actually passed through it on my way to Wat Thamkrabok. The city is close to the temple.

Lopburi is famous for the fact that the city has a large monkey population which are very visible in the old part of the city. If you like monkeys then Lopburi is heaven, but if you hate them then it would be hell on earth. Luckily I like them. I have spent a couple of days there and it does seem like a nice city. It will also be nice living close to Wat Thamkrabok.

I have got a job in a secondary school in the city which has an English Program. This means that they learn every subject in English - except of course for their Thai Language studies. I am not sure which subject I will be teaching, but there has been talk about health studies. The school itself seems well resourced, and I'm delighted to find that the classrooms are air-conditioned. I needed to give a demo lesson and the level of English among the students seems very good.

We plan to move to Lopburi next month. I will not be starting work until May 1st which is the start of the new school year. The students don't come until the 12th, but this gives the teachers a chance to prepare for the year.

This means that my nursing career has now been put on hold - at least for the moment anyway. Who knows? Maybe one day I will return to nursing or use my nursing skills in another way.

I feel both excited and sad about leaving the village. I have made a nice life here and now that it all going to change. As the Buddha pointed out, change is unavoidable and we suffer when we try and fight against it. I will have nice memories of my life here in the village, but I look forward to making new memories in Lopburi.

Karma and the Satja vow

2008-02-23T08:40:00.000+07:00

An important idea in Buddhism is karma (kamma). The belief that actions have consequences and that our intended actions will have consequences for us. I find the idea of karma easy to accept. It makes sense to me. I have seen it work in my life on many occasions. I don't think there is anything magical about it, and I don't think that you need to be a Buddhist in order to accept it. Many people likely believe in karma without realising it.

I feel that many people wrongly view karma as being about punishment. I don't see it that way. For me it is just one of natures laws and so it's value free. Put very simply, when I do good things then good things will come my way, and when I do negative things then negative come my way. I am not being punished for doing wrong, but instead I am just getting back from the system what I put into it. Not everything that happens to me will be due to my karma, but it’s an important factor and it’s something that I have control over.

A simple example of how this works would be that if I help somebody else it will cause me to feel good about myself. An instant good result from my actions. It may also mean that the person who I have helped might help me at some stage. It could also mean that if I help people a lot then at a later time I might look back at my life and say, 'hey, I'm not that bad a person'. All these are positive outcomes from my actions.

A very positive action which I took was quitting alcohol. It continues to provide positive results even today, and I'm convinced that it will continue to do so into the future. This is what the satja vow is all about, which was the vow I made at Wat Thamkrabok to quit my addiction. I made a positive change in my life and has put my life on course for a bright future. Of course bad things will still happen occasionally but, unlike my previous life as a drunk, it won't be one disaster after another.

The most fantastic thing that the satja vow provides is that it allows me to lighten up on things. When I put my trust in the promise of the vow, that my life will improve so long as I maintain it, then I have much less in life to worry about. Things may seem bleak at times, but so long as I don't return to addiction then they will get better. I can't imagine ever ending up in the gutter sober. If I continue to sow good seeds then there will be good results at some time in the future.

An important thing to remember though is that while the satja vow promises that positive things will enter my life, so long as I maintain the vow, it doesn’t promise that things will always go my way. What I want and what is meant for me aren’t always the same thing. Sometimes I need to be patient, but when I look back I can see that life has taken me to where I need to be.

The Satja Vow

2008-02-15T12:19:00.000+07:00

One of the most important things for me at Wat Thamkrabok was the satja vow. The promise I made not to drink again for the rest of my life. I was recently asked by somebody if you need to be Buddhist to make this vow.

I speak to many ex-patients of Wat Thamkrabok who have been sober for decades. Some of these people wouldn't consider themselves to be Buddhist, and I don't think you need to study Buddhism in order to take the satja seriously. The vow takes on its own importance and the fact that it can be only made once increases the significance.

In my view Wat Thamkrabok is a very spiritual community. I think that this is what makes it magical. In this I agree with AA, recovery often needs to be a spiritual path.

Many addicts are acting up because they have no other means of coping and are missing a spiritual aspect of their lives. The famous 'hole in the soul'. In my view many addicts have spiritual yearnings and if these yearnings are not met life will have little meaning.

The satja vow works. While you keep it good things come into your life. As somebody remains sober they will see that their lives are improving and their faith in the satja will grow. This has been the experience of all who I have spoken to who have followed the program.

The satja vow replaces the need for a support group in many cases, although some ex-patients do belong to AA/NA also. Of course sometimes the shit will hit the fan, as nobody gets a free ride through life, but the vow supports people through life.

The difference, in my view, between an ex-Thamkrabok patient who keeps his vow and a 'dry-drunk' is that the 'dry-drunk' has stagnated. They have giving up alcohol but all the reasons for why they drank/used are still there. They may stay sober for long periods but will resent this life without a tool (their favorite drug) which helped make life bearable.

An ex- Thamkrabok patient has made a vow to stay sober. They do this in order to find their correct path in life. A path which will make them happy. The fact that they have made themselves open to change and development means that change does happen. Sincere effort gets rewarded. I believe a similar process occurs when people in AA follow the 12 steps. I don't believe that it is only Wat Thamkrabok or the 12 stepers who have cornered the market on spirituality. Ex- addicts can find other ways to find their way onto a path through life which has meaning.

It is my belief that the satja vow is the same as the higher power in AA. The ex-Wat Thamkrabok patient puts their faith in the fact that the vow will get them through life. They can hand-over to this higher power. When they face powerlessness in life, which most of us face everyday, they can pass this over to their satja/higher power. The belief that the fact that they are trying to do the right thing will mean that everything will work out the way it should.

So no, you don't need to have any Buddhist knowledge to appreciate the satja vow, but you do need to believe that if you do the right thing the right things will happen. I would say that most people believe this basic idea of kamma (karma), at least at some level.

'Last Escape' reviewed by The Bangkok Post

2008-02-09T17:26:00.001+07:00

The 'Last Escape' received its first review in The Bangkok Post. I felt delighted that they mentioned my book, but I also think that they over-emphasized my criticisms of AA. I have great respect for the AA program.

http://www.bangkokpost.com/Realtime/08Feb2008_real011.php

BOOK REVIEW

Hope for lushes

Last Escape, by Paul Garrigan, 196 pp, 2008 Bangkok Book, paperback, Available at Asia Books and leading book stores, 395 baht

BERNARD TRINK

Covering the nitery entertainment scene for decades, I've seen more elbow-benders than I can count. That I'm not one of them is because I refused to accept the false bonhomie induced by suds and firewater. While not a teetotaler, much less an advocate of Prohibition, I've witnessed the deleterious effect of alcohol ("Come on, one more for the road!") and imbibe only in great moderation.

People have varied degrees of tolerance to booze, from the man or woman who can drink anyone under the table to the person who gets woozy sniffing a wet bar rag, but in every instance their reflexes are adversely affected. Hence their being tossed into the clink for driving under intoxication or bashing their spouse or taking sleeping pills instead of vitamins.

Celebrities keep going into de-tox clinics by court order, then get off the wagon as soon as the judge's back is turned. Losing jobs, their family, their self-respect, becoming bums on skid row, painful cirrhosis of the liver mark their descent. Can it be reversed at some point? AA, for one, asserts it can. They see alcoholism as a chronic disease, not fault of the sufferer.

Belief in the power of the group and a Christian God are needed to recover, along with the firm resolve to lay off the sauce. Dublin-born male nurse Paul Garrigan, who took to beer at age 11 ("Ireland and its pubs are inseparable."), was a lush by the time he was 15. Quaffing had its advantage, making him one of the big boys, losing his shyness, giving him aspirations to be like his role model Brendan Behan.

The downside is that he felt wasted, had cramps, suffered from blackouts, felt suicidal. He attended AA meetings, but didn't feel spiritually uplifted. Nor did he agree that he was in the grips of a chronic disease. Drinking was a bad habit that needed stopping. Applying for work in Saudi Arabia, a dry country, seemed the obvious solution.

Except that in every community of Westerners there, there was at least one home-made still. The white lightning they produced was over 100 proof. Garrigan literally staggered out of the place and headed for Thailand, having heard of temples treating addicts. His book Last Escape describes his experiences in two: Wat Rampoeng in the north and Wat Thamkrabok, 10 days in each with a break in between.

Meditation and emetics are used, throwing up three times a day. When not detailing the vomiting, Garrigan tells us about the other addicts (also druggies), of both genders, doing the same and the monks teaching the precepts of Buddhism. His body purified, he accepts the philosophy/religion and rides off on his Honda motorcycle to wed his Thai girlfriend and father their child.

The message is that even if you're falling down drunk, there is hope at Wat Thamkrabok as long as you can stand all the puking. This reviewer doesn't know what AA has to say about Wat Thamkrabok. It would be unwise to reject it out of hand. It would be unwise to reject it out of hand. It is proving its worth, though there are recidivists.

Advice to other writers

2008-02-05T07:12:00.000+07:00

I received an email from another ex-patient from the temple who was interested in writing a memoir about his experiences in sobriety. His story is fascinating and could would likely help others. I think that there will never be enough of these stories for people to read. When I was a drunk I would search bookstores for any stories of hope in regards to addiction. Anyway I'll reprint here some of the advice which I gave him. Perhaps some of you readers also have a book in you. I'm no expert but still very much a beginner writing but here was my advice;

I will tell you what I have discovered about writing. I would frequently, throughout my life, begin writing something but then go back and read it and be so discouraged by what I had written that I would abandon any further writing and destroy the evidence of my crapness. I didn't realise that the first draft of any manuscript is allowed to be terrible and nobody needs to see it. It is only after the first draft is finished that you go back and make it readable.

Writing a book takes time and a lot of energy. For example, the first email you sent me yesterday seem to have over 200 words in it. If you made yourself write 200 hundred words everyday about your story in one year you will have over 70,000 words which is a very respectable sized book. You may find that you write a lot more than 200 words a day. The main thing though is that you continue writing until the project is finished. This may take years.

The important thing when you are writing the first draft is not to read what you have written and don't attempt to edit it, at least that has been my experience. If you want you can record any changes you wish to make in a notebook but don't mess around with the manuscript itself. It will only likely discourage you. When you have finished the first draft of the manuscript you can tell people that you have written a book if you want (but I would advise against showing this first draft to anyone).

After you finish the first draft of the manuscript is when the real hard work begins for many people. It may take many rewrites to get it to a place where you feel that it is readable, but the fact that you have written a first draft should be motivation enough to keep you going. When you reread your first draft you may feel a bit discouraged about how crap it is. This is normal.

When I was writing about the temple I felt driven to get it finished. Telling my story felt more important to me than how crap my writing was. As you say, when you do something from the heart it just feels right. I ignored the above advice and just published as I went along. I would write a chapter most days and publish it as part of my blog on the internet. Very little time was spent on editing. People began reading my blog and some provided positive comments and this motivated me to finish the thing. It was only when I had finished that I realised that I had the basis of a book.

I later went back and reread the whole blog and was a bit disappointed with the standard of the writing. . I spent months rewriting the whole thing and this led to the book. I don't know if I would have the nerve to do this blog method of writing a book again.

I am currently writing another book, two in fact. This time I am just concentrating on getting the first drafts written and not showing it to anybody.

I really wish you all the best with your writing.
Get your arse in the chair and don't expect yourself to be the next Stephen King.
The joy is in writing the damn thing. If it helps somebody else or it gets published is a big bonus.

I have found the following podcasts helpful.
If you have itunes you can easily download them all or you can listen online.

http://isbw.murlafferty.com/
http://www.writingshow.com/

There are plenty more if you search the internet.

I would also advise that if you have time, and can't do it already, that you learn to touch-type.
There are plenty webpages and free programs on the internet to teach you how to do this.

Paul

My current projects

2008-01-24T06:40:00.000+07:00

Now that the 'last Escape' has been released I can focus more on other projects. I have nearly finished a first draft of a follow-up book. This manuscript, which I've been calling 'After the Temple', continues the story of what happened following Wat Thamkrabok. It covers my first year and a bit sober. There is still so much work to do on this manuscript that I fear that it will never be complete.

If I do ever manage to finish 'After the Temple' then the next decision will be what to do with it. I suppose this decision will depend a lot on how the finished manuscript turns out and if 'Last Escape' is well received. I expect to have it finished by the end of 2008.

The reason for writing a follow-up manuscript is that there are many books which describe people giving up alcohol/drugs but there doesn't seem to be many which deal with staying sober after this. Life improves completely when the addiction is put aside but problems still arise and some of these seem common to all newly sober people. It is my hope that maybe this next book can offer encouragement for those trying to stay sober.

Another reason for this book is that following the completion of my blog, which covered the same time period as the book, there were readers with questions. They were interested in what happened to the others after the temple and they were even interested in what happened to me. I dealt with some of these issues briefly in the the postscript to 'Last Escape' but not in any real detail. In the postscript I was trying to condense almost eighteen months of an exciting period of my life into a couple of pages.

As well as 'After the Temple', I am also working on a fiction manuscript. This book is still in the very early stages. Writing about myself all the time so directly can feel a bit draining and self-indulgent and so this is a break from that. I know that some people argue that even fiction is auto-biographical, in that everything we write contains a bit of us, but I want to try my hand at this genre. I am still new to writing and eager to improve my skills.

The book in my hands

2008-01-21T13:46:00.000+07:00

Twenty complimentary copies of the 'Last Escape' arrived at my door the other day. It was with a great sense of accomplishment that I held the book in my hands for the first time. It seemed like I had been waiting ages for the moment to come - I know that I hadn't, not really. Some people wait years to see there name on the spine of a book, and for many the moment never comes. It had taken me less than a year.

My first impression of the book was that it...Well, it looked like a real book. I was impressed with the design of the thing and thought the typesetting looked very professional; but of course I 'm biased.

I must admit that I do feel very proud of it and spent most of that day turning it over in my hands and sneaking glances at it. I even read a couple of chapters and found the fact that it was on paper meant that it was easier to read. I don't enjoy reading on a computer screen half as much as I do a real book. I had spent months staring at the words in the manuscript, trying to make them readable and near the end began to feel sick just looking at it. The book version made my words seem fresh again.

I now wait eagerly to see what, if any, impact this book will have on its readers. I am not sure when exactly it will hit the shops and living in the middle of nowhere means that I can't check. What if everyone hates it and all they can see is the deficiencies in my writing? How will I cope with the criticism? The truth is that I will remain proud of the 'Last Escape'. It was a genuine attempt by me to be open and honest with the world, and I did my best.

My stack of twenty copies of 'Last Escape' have already begun to dwindle. I gave a few copies to friends here in the village. I also sent a few to Wat Thamkrabok; without the temple there would have been no book to start with. I even signed the copies. I hope this doesn't seem a bit pretentious.

Lokutara by Tim Arnold

2008-01-17T07:03:00.000+07:00

I must admit that I hadn't heard of Tim Arnold until a few months ago. I've lived in Thailand for a few years and so haven't kept up with the music scene from that part of the world.

I came across the work of Mr Arnold by pure chance. Like me, he's an ex-patient of Wat Thamkrabok, and when I downloaded an album called Thamkrabok Music I came across one of his songs. It became my favorite track in the collection, so I decided to investigate more. I found his album Lokutara and immediately became a fan. While I was working on my book, 'The Last Escape', I played it constantly.

Lokutara was released in 2004. Much of the music is inspired by Wat Thamkrabok and he actually used a technique developed at the temple to compose his songs. The documentary 'from crack to cracks' shows how cracks, which occur naturally in stone in places such as caves, can be used to select notes on the musical scale. Tim used this technique to write songs for the album. Amazing to see him at work. This documentary was available on youtube but has since disappeared. Hopefully it will turn up again soon, as it's great to watch.

The tracks on Lokutara flow easily into each other and there isn't one dud on the album. They are all great songs. My favorite is River of Love, a song full of emotion and could easily be used as an anthem for the temple. Another favorite is walking through walls. Listen below;

Anyway you can check out Tim's music at;
http://timarnold.co.uk/

I would also recommend Thamkrabok Music;
http://thamkrabokmusic.com/

'The Last Escape' has been released

2008-01-16T05:37:00.000+07:00

Today is the day. My first book 'The last escape' is now for sale from the Bangkok Bookhouse website and will soon be available in bookshops throughout Thailand and other parts of South East Asia. It is hardly going to take the world by storm but it is a nice feeling to have it out there anyway.

As well as a bit of pride in the book's release I also admit feeling slightly anxious. This book reveals a lot about my personal history and many of the incidents which I describe are far from flattering . Did I do the right thing by allowing this to enter the pubic domain? Reading the blurb about my book on the Bangkok Bookhouse website, my first reaction was that it really focuses on the 'hopeless drunk' aspect of things. Never mind that this I wrote the blurb myself.

The fact is though that I was a hopeless drunk and did a lot of things for which I am not proud. I did change and today I'm a different person but this doesn't mean that past should be just hidden and forgotten, at least that's what I think. I am very much a product of this past and I owe everything that I have today to it. I do feel regret about the times my actions hurt other people but my history is as much a part of me as my skin.

As well as feeling a bit of pride in having a book published, I also hope that my story can help somebody out there dealing with an addiction problem. I know that my blog encouraged a couple of people to seek help and it would be nice to think that 'The last escape' will continue to act as an inspiration. Life does get better when you quit an addiction and in my case it is far better than I would ever have dared to dream. I can still have bad days but nowhere near as bad as when I was drinking. I now love my life.

'The last escape' is now available for sale at;
http://www.bangkokbooks.com/